82nd Academy Awards- Finally!!!!!

Well, this wasn’t my best showing at picking the winners but I didn’t do too badly either- 16 out of 24! I have to say, I think this was one of the best years show wise we’ve seen in a while. So many highlights! So much genuine laughter! Great speeches! I took note of it all and texted back and forth with several friend’s the whole time. I’m including the best messages I received where applicable below. Enjoy!

The whole thing starts on the red carpet and wardrobe watching. This year’s carpet was a cluster fuck (pardon the language) with people coming and going in all directions. No one seemed to know where they were going or who they were supposed to talk to. I will say Ryan Seacrest did a good job on E! but what the heck was happening on ABC? Why were Sherri Shepherd and Kathy Ireland there? {text: “Listening to her is painful. She needs to go work on her Kmart designs”} Why was Ireland standing like a cracked out Barbie doll? Shepherd did have the best line from the red carpet. While interviewing George Clooney she said, “Get the ones that don’t understand English!” in response to his girlfriend not understanding a question. Burn! It was so awkward! Now for what’s really important- Fashion!
[side note: Ladies, please stand up straight. I’m looking at you Miley Cyrus and Zoe Saldana! Come on, if Maggie Gyllenhall can learn to do you so can you.]

Best Dressed (Wow! Kristen Stewart actually bathed!) {text: “SJP looks like she has a hot cross bun on her head”}

Worst Dressed {text: “It’s canoe with his face mold!” That’s Keanu for the uninitiated}

On the Fence {text: “That dress bored me to tears” on Kate Winslet}

• What an opening! Neil Patrick Harris. Dancers. Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin descending from Glenda the Good Witch’s bubble. Jokes that were actually funny. Thank god! Can we hire Adam Shankman for next year’s show now? Best line: Martin: “Oh look! Damn Helen Mirren” Baldwin: “That’s DAME Helen Mirren”. Runner up: “…plays a Nazi obsessed with finding Jews. Well Christophe!”

• When the nominations for supporting actor began I loved how this year they showed a montage of clips from the film and not just one small bit. I thought it really helped showcase the nominee’s talent and give more depth to why they were nominated.

• John Hughe’s special memoriam. I’d heard about this a few days ago and thought it was lovely, especially the shots of all the actor’s who had been in his films. Very classy and sweet.

• On a negative note, I’m tired of the way the “In Memoriam” segment is directed. I don’t give a frak about James Taylor. All I want to see is who died. Instead, we miss a few names staring at Taylor’s bald head and in wide shot of the stage. Every year! This is the one area I don’t want you to be artistic. Just show up the pictures. And, where was Farrah Fawcett? Was she one of the ones we missed while in close up of Taylor or was she simply forgotten? {text: “He is so cheesy. Wait, that’s insulting to cheese”- in reference to James Taylor}

• Maybe not a negative but certainly a “what the hell” moment: Acceptance speech for Documentary Short. Who was that wack-a-doo and why did she feel the need to shove her co-producer? {text: “She will never work in this town again! What is that guy wearing?”}

• I loved the banter between Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. while introducing the screenwriting award. I think that got a laugh from everyone in the audience (mostly for his real truth than it simply being funny).

• Another good quote, this one from Robin Williams: “The Governor’s Ball. Just one of the many balls being held all over Hollywood tonight”.

• I loved Sandy Powell’s dress! It’s so refreshing to see a Best Costume winner who looks like she has an idea what fashion is. They are usually such a disaster!

• TRIBUTE TO HORROR!!! I am officially submitting my petition for a Best Horror Movie category. They never get any love (not since “The Exorcist”!) However, couldn’t they have included a clip from one of Eli Roth’s movies? I mean, he was in the audience for pete’s sake and had a lot to do with revitalizing the genre.

• Another great speech: Michael Giacchino for Best Score. You are “not a waste of time”! Here here! PS- what am amazing dance performance! I heart you League of Extraordinary Dancers!

• I also loved that the Best Actor categories where presented like last year with past co-stars sharing thoughts and anecdotes about the nominees. Michele Pfeiffer’s was one of the highlights as was Peter Sarsgaard.

• Can anyone explain to me what Sean Penn was talking about? Politics in nominees? Or politics in how to introduce nominees? Huh? Please, if you know please comment below. Now I didn’t pick Sandra Bullock, mostly because I haven’t seen that movie and it looked like one step from the Lifetime Movie Network. I guess now I’ll have to see it. However, she gave a great speech. Could this be the first time someone has made so many homosexual references in their speech for a movie not about homosexuality? “My lover Meryl Streep”- Loved it! I also loved her message about and to her mother. Schön!

• Finally, it’s happened. The barrier has been broken. A woman won best director. I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. I always hoped this would happen in my lifetime and am so pleased it happened to Kathryn Bigelow, a director I’ve admired for years. If I’m being nitpicky, her speech could have been better. It was just so generic. You would never know how revolutionary her win was. Take a note from Halle Berry (hell, even Mo’nique) and make a statement, give a couple shout outs! Oh well, I really don’t care. Her startled expression when she also won Best Picture was priceless!

• I win the side pool on end time of the show with an 11:05 guess. Everyone owes me a dollar!

(Literally) Drowning in a flood of randomness:

* I am an atrocious speller. I spelled "before" as "befor" until Freshman year (thank you public education!). I think I inherited this from my father. He should be good at it- he helped support the family while playing Mr. Mom by writing freelance for magazines- however, he is not. He keeps a typed list next to the computer with all of his commonly misspelled words. Ever so often, one is added in blue or black ball point ink. After asking how to spell "definitely" for the umpteenth time, I decided to start one of my own. Here's what I have so far:

sarcasm

definitely

possibly

fascinating

inconvenience

preferably

convenient

chotchke/tchotchke

occasionally

furniture

premiere

opponent

apparently

I'm sure there are more, but I also forget that I've started this list. I am adding atrocious to it right now. What's funny is that even though it is well known I cannot spell, people ask me to spell words for them all the time and I usually can!

* Hey! Guy in blue Mustang! ATM's are for quick withdrawls, not for your regular banking. Quit it!

* On a similar note: What's up guy in chartreuse Mercedes? Really? You spent how much to ride around in Kermit's car? Same goes to you, chocolate brown Honda.

[side note: apparently I can spell "chartreuse"]

* My new obsession is Eli Roth. Man is he hilarious! There's a pretty good interview here although it is in need of some editing. His turn in "Inglourious Basterds" was great. While I don't always, or maybe usually, like his movies ("Cabin Fever" was pretty great, but I fell asleep during "Hostel". Still not sure how that happened, but I woke up to someone cutting a guys Achilles then fell right back asleep!). I also must support people who redesign film for Americans. I love the uproar over his movies! He has figured out how to mass market the kinds of back alley, city to city, cult slasher movies I loved from the 70's and 80's. It's amazing what better lighting and film stock can do. Before Roth (and Netflix for that matter), you had to order or search out independent video stores to find anything like this. You could also delve into books dubbed "splattercore" for obvious reasons. (See my love of Poppy Z. Brite from last Sunday). The point is, he's great. I can't wait to see how he turns sodomizing a turkey into a feature length film. Want more? He just joined Twitter .

*On a similar note: Dear Hollywood: Please stop remaking movies. What's the matter with you? I know there are "no original ideas" but come on, this is really pushing it. Here's a sampling of what's gotten me riled up: Harvey (quit it!), Fantastic Voyage (the fx still look good!), Clash of the Titans (I'm actually kind of into this one, the treatment looks new), Footloose, Short Circuit, The Thing (this has already been done twice and no one can out do Carpenter), The Neverending Story (seriously, I wish you wouldn't), Poltergeist, Logan's Run (uh, no!), Rosemary's Baby, Forbidden Planet (if they do anything to it like they did The Day the Earth Stood Still, I'm getting my hanky ready now), Barbarella, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Last Tango in Paris, Rashomon, 13, My Fair Lady, Yellow Submarine (now in 3D!), Suspiria, Children of the Corn (well, maybe this one could work), Dirty Dancing, Red Dawn (how can this be good w/o mullets?), Jesus Christ Superstar (seriously?), Straw Dogs (I was a bit peeved, but then they cast Alexander Skarsgard- forgiven), Robocop, Let the Right One In (proving once again American audiences can't or won't read. This movie just came out and did pretty well!), The Gate (um...yea, I'm not mad at this one either), An American Werewolf in London (quit it squared! Didn't you learn anything from An American Werewolf in Paris?). The list goes on and on and on. You want to remake something? Why don't you pick up a book and read! Maybe you'll find something you like there. I can't believe in the overflowing stack of spec's on your desk there is nothing good to make. I mean, someone keeps giving Eddie Murphy money! There seem to be a lot of horror movies in this mix. That doesn't bother me as much since having a bit more money could result in more gore, but it will be used on CG and I can't abide that. Want to know how to use extra cash wisely? Watch "Nightwatch" and then "Daywatch". You could learn a thing or two from the Russians.

* "Texas now has an official portal" Mark it! Not sure exactly what that means, but my good friend and co-worker Jennie just informed me.

* I just renewed my drivers license and I'm kinda stoked because I get to keep my picture. Not that there's much difference in my appearance when I was 21 and the photo was taken, and now save the hair.

I know it's kind of blurry, that's how my camera phone rolls, but you get the gist. Let the odd looks from bar tenders and bouncers continue!

*So, I was outside smoking and got to thinking: The scientist really need to get moving on The Jetson's technology asap. I'm not sure why this popped into my mind, probably something to do with me huddling under a tiny portico in the rain. I mean, think about how much easier our lives would be if we could travel in tubes and ride conveyor belts through the house that washed us, fed us, and probably burped us! I can't tell you how much I would appreciate the effort Scientists. Get to it!