Random Saturday

* Tonight I am hosting karaoke for the first time solo. I felt fine until I opened Facebook and found a message from the friend I am subbing for giving me instructions on how to set up the computer, monitors, and sound. AHHHHHHHH! We barely went over that in the flesh. Now I'm super nervous. I'm sending all my good juju to myself and hoping someone at the bar has some idea what's going on. The computer I can handle. It's plugging in cords and microphones that scares the bejesus out of me. Oh god....

* If you love "House" as much as me, check out this list of House-ism's from last season. Priceless!

* I heart Neil Gaiman and cannot wait to get his new book:


* Do you watch Tosh.0 on Comedy Central? No? What the frak! Get in gear. Maybe you don't have cable, in which case I apologize for yelling. You know he's online too, right? I don't know about you, but I'll watch anything that addresses elves, hipster babies, and stupid criminals in one half hour show/blog.

* Hold onto your coslopuses Twihards: "Breaking Dawn" will be split into two movies. I'm not sure what's worse, that they couldn't figure out how to edit down the 900 page (mostly fluff) final book into one movie or the fact that I'm going to watch both of them. Probably twice. Fucking Twilight. You're ruining my life and my street cred.

* Attention advertisers, magazines, and TV entertainment shows: If I see another size 2 or 4 model telling me how to look great at any size, in any colour, on any planet; I am going to go all "Office Space" on your ass like a busted fax machine. Seriously, quit it.

* Why is Liam Neeson the #1 trending topic on Yahoo! right now? I mean, I love me some Neeson and you could play a very successful game of "6 Degrees of Liam Neeson" but it still confuses me. What are you up to Liam? Why is everyone searching for you?

* Dear Residents of apartment communities with control access gates: Pay attention. Ask yourself while driving up, "Is the gate already open?" Chances are it is, and you're wasting time punching in the code while cars pile up behind you. Move it or lose it.

* True Blood premieres tomorrow on HBO @ 8 PM Central. There is a 15-minute countdown show before hand. That's all you need to know. #waitingsucks

Samstag ist auf Deutsch gelegentlich

* I spent the last two nights on a bit of a bender, first celebrating a friends birthday and second celebrating a night out of the house and great karaoke. No, that is not a typo or an oxymoron, karaoke can be good, it can be fun, it can be enjoyable! Last night, my local hangout hosted a punk club reunion. These events are the latest craze it seems: get a bunch of old bands from a club that closed 10 years ago and host a party in its memory. What started as a mild annoyance (who are all these people and why are they at my bar?) turned into delight. Everyone who got up to sing was great and the song choice was the best I'd heard in years. Badfinger, Depeche Mode, Survivor. It seemed like as good a time as any to dust off an old standard: "Too Drunk to Fuck" by the Dead Kennedy's. PS- it was awesome! Anywho, this night also lead to some amazing conversation I'd like to share with you now:

- An older gentleman got up to sing with his backup singer/dancer/mime. His choice: Barenaked Ladies "If I Had a Million Dollars". His style: Smother's Brothers. It was awesome! You think that song was funny? You don't know nothing yet!

- "Baby Squirrels. Like schnauzers but cattle" For years I have been obsessed with baby squirrels. What do they look like? Why do you never see them running around? Where are they?!? I shared my concerns/amazement with my friend Lauren and she immediately became obsessed. Last night, the question was finally answered. She saw a news story all about baby squirrels. Apparently, they look just like regular squirrels but miniature. The above quote came from that conversation. As soon as I heard it, I just had to write it down.

[side note: I don't buy this baby squirrel is miniature regular squirrel with out photographic evidence! I want pictures people!]

- The best response to a somewhat awkward exchange: Upon my friend grazing my boob in conversation and me doing the same in retaliation, she claimed it was not her fault as my boobs were too big and possible getting bigger. I said, "Every time you touch them they get bigger". Her boyfriend replied, "Funny, that happens to me too!". Best quote of the night!

- The nicest thing anyone's said to me this week comes courtesy of my pal CJ: "You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen. So stand down!"

* You ever played that game, Who Would Play You in a Movie? This is similar to the "You Know Who You Look Like Game?" Every now and then, this game gets played on me. "Excuse me. Who do people say you look like most?" I don't mind answering this question, I mean who would? The problem lies in whether or not you think the answer is flattering or not. The person I most hear I look like is Uma Thurman. I find this favorable, but it really depends on the movie and year to which they are referring. Because of my hair, its usually Pulp Fiction and I say "thank you". What bothers me (I'm not sure that's the right word...) is that the vote is 50/50 on the attractiveness of Ms Thurman. What makes someone beautiful? Well, we know scientists and artists agree its symmetry. The relative proportion of your eyes, nose, mouth to one another and their proportion to you face. While no face or body can be completely symmetrical, those that are closest to it are deemed more lovely. Today, an exaggeration of any said feature can result in a positive response.

I always like the look of Uma. She was different, "ugly pretty" as I would later call it. There's something about her... I hope that this is a complement. I know my Dad was pretty shaken up when I said he would be played by Bill Murray. I don't see why that's bad. I love Bill Murray! Of course, what I really wanted to say was if Bill Murray and Kevin Klein had a baby, that baby would play him in a movie. My Mother is played by Susan Sarandon or Francis Fisher. My sister is played by Liv Tyler. What a beautiful family portrait!

* I've started learning German, hence the title of this post. I can't say I'm doing very well. I feel very confident pointing out cars and buildings and describing them as big or little. I've got my basic colours down and can count to twelve. I've got everything my father tried to teach me and I promptly forgotten. What's really funny, is if I don't know the word in German I use the word in French. I figure 4 years of French should come in handy sometime, why not now? It is certainly a bit problematic with learning another language. Why am I doing this again? Why don't I just focus on bettering the one foreign language I kinda know? No idea. I blame my friend who gave me these cd's. Unfortunately, she's still on disc 1 while I'm on disc 2; so the practicing that is supposed to be happening is not.

Where have all the cool bars gone?

I had the pleasure, for several years, to have my own version of “Cheers”. I made most of my current friends there and the ones I already knew soon made it their home too. No matter what day or time you went in, you were sure to find someone you knew and some good conversation.

Since Ben’s closed a couple years ago, we have all been homeless so to speak, searching for a new place to call ours. We knew we could never replace it, but we thought we could find something close. Surely, we live in a large metropolitan area- there must be somewhere cool to hang out! Were we wrong. No one can come to agreement on one place that meets all our needs. All the bars are always too impersonal, too far away, too expensive, too “trendy”, too anything and everything!

Last night, for my friend’s birthday, we ended up at a new bar (fortuitously around the corner of my house) that may fit the bill. Bryan Street Bar is new, but looks old. It’s got plenty of room, while still seeming quaint. It has a pool table, washer toss, large patio (most important to the smokers), and great prices. It also had pretty good parking. On a Saturday night, around 1030, there were just enough people there that you had to look around for your friends, but not too many that you couldn’t get to the bar. The music was right, the lighting was dark, we were in Heaven. Could it be? Have we found the new Ben’s? Only time will tell. I personally know that many of the people who came last night did it under duress. It’s even further than some of the other place they won’t go, but if we can get enough of us there I’m sure we can make it work.

I’ve tried explaining Ben’s to people who never had the chance to go. It was more difficult than I expected. Instead, I’ve decided to list some of my favorite memories in an attempt to set it straight:

* Karaoke every Thursday and Saturday night may be your idea of lame, but with an impressive roster of talent and balls, it was really a lot of fun. I even won the karaoke championship several years ago. Yea me!!

*Costume party every Halloween. They always had neat themes and very interesting prizes, not just the usual bar bucks. They also gave away grills, coolers, a lawn chair, a towel, beer cozies, t-shirts, and sometimes just a handshake. Past themes included 70’s porn, Comic book hero’s and villains, and the 7 deadly sins. My Miho costume from Sin City tied with Ash from Army of Darkness for the Comic Book year, and my sister won for deadly sins as the UPS driver from “Seven”, complete with Gwyneth’s head in a box.

* I got my kick-ass giant Beer Wolf from the auction we held after Ben's closed. He lived in the ladies room and kept the drunk boys out when they got confused. Here he is in his original habitat and partial glory:

*Riotous games of Tumbling Tower (the off-brand Jenga). Many a bottom were exposed and pranks played based on what the blocks told you to do.

*I met one of my best friends there. I had seen him before during an episode of the Gong Show that was held in partnership with the local talk radio station. He kept yelling out to all the contestants and being a general jackass. They pulled him on stage and made him take off his shirt, though I’m not sure he remembers a lot of that night. One evening during Karaoke, his friends kept daring me to sing to him, replacing the name Fernando (of ABBA fame) with his- Sergio. I did and it was very funny. Even more funny was a couple nights later when I learned his name was actually Paul. A friendship of high jinx and fun followed.
I miss you Ben’s, we all do, but it’s time to move on.