Dear America-

On Sunday, Dallas (my hometown) hosted the Super Bowl. What should have been a happy and joyous affair turned into something altogether ugly and greedy. Didn't our visitors see the Troy Aikman commercial urging us to be better hosts and respectful? Is anyone else disturbed we needed a commercial to tell us that?

The week leading up to the game was a doozy. Mother Nature (or Jerry Jones depending on what circle you run in) attacked Dallas with the full force of her wintry nature. Ice and snow covered the ground and the complaints started. I didn't realize that as hosts of the Super Bowl we were also in control of the weather. I assure you, if Jones had his way he would have taken on the almighty himself to get the streets to clear. What our neighbors to the North need to realize and understand is that we don't get that kind of weather. We haven't had that level of winter since 1997. We are a temperate climate with mild winters marred by a few days of ice and maybe snow a year. It gets cold here sure (we only have two temperatures- Hot as hell, and Cold as shit), so it's not that we're lazy or unprepared; it's that we rarely have to be. The number of snow plows and ice trucks currently in the DFW area are adequate for the weather we see normally. No city can prepare against every scenario, it's too expensive. Industrial salt/sand spreaders can cost upwards of 60K. How many should Texas own? Therefore, my dear Yankees, shut your gob and enjoy the snow. Trust me when I tell you we wish it weren't here either but c'est la vie!

Complaints were further issued when some fans found out they no longer had seats to the game. That is a bummer but is a lawsuit the answer? Yahoo Sports reported that a $5 million dollar lawsuit is being filed against the NFL, Dallas Cowboys, and Jerry Jones for misrepresentation, etc. I am sorry many fans lost seats. Over 2/3 of those in the temporary seating were moved to equal or better seats. The remaining 400 watched from a bar area, were given three times the cost of their ticket and a ticket to any future Super Bowl complete with air fare and hotel. Um... That sounds like great customer service to me and a good deal. It's a let down for sure but when does good sense equal into the equation? I understand that as Americans we are a "me, me" nation who believes that life is fair and we get whatever we want. Well, life isn't fair. I learned that before the age of 5, and as the Rolling Stones taught us "you can't always get what you want". Yes, Jones should never have over sold the venue and rushed the temporary seating. I'm sure the weather didn't help the fire marshal's inspection plans either. However, the NFL went above and beyond to correct this situation and make it up to the fans. I hope that in a months time they realize the money and gift of ANY future bowl is more than adequate compensation. Put your greed and anger away and stop listening to lawyers. If only this would go to trail, it would be one heck of a show.

In closing, the grass is always greener unless you visit Texas during a freak ice storm. Then, you probably should have stayed home.

So Take Off All Your Clothes

So, I'm taking a page out of my friend shine's book and broaching a rather unpleasant topic: The heat.

Here in the great Lone Star State, the current temperature is :

Here's what I want to know: I understand that there is this mythical idea called a "heat index", and I understand that it raises the temperature. What I don't understand is why I should care. Why don't you just tell me it 111 degrees outside? What exactly am I supposed to get from the knowledge that Texas is trying to kill me by arbitrarily raising the temperature 10 degrees? Just tell me what if feels like outside and leave your voodoo ways at home!

What bothers me most about this heat is that I am sticky. All the time. Everywhere. As a former grunge head and punk rock girl, cleanliness and I have often been at odds. I enjoy being clean but not the process (really the time) I have to go through to get there. Where is my Jetson's technology?! Don't they know I'm a busy girl, or at least play one on TV? I've got very important TV watching and book reading and drinking to attend to.

Being a bit smelly doesn't really bother me. I know that's not very "girly" of me, but I've never claimed to be one. Sure, I love to put on 50s style dresses and can paint me face to match, but I curse like a sailor and drink you under the table at the same time. Isn't this why god invented deodorant and perfume?

What I want to know is: How did people get intimate before the invention of deodorant, indoor plumbing, and soap? We all know how smelly the world was back in the day. You know those beautiful bouquet's and oranges you see the well-bred carry around in Renaissance and Victorian movies? That's because everyone reeked! Now here I am, in 2010, and I can looking desperately for a pocketful of posies. It is impossible to feel sexy when you've sweat through your pants. When your bra is actually trapping sweat beneath your breasts. It's not pretty.

Enter, Playtex and their Cooling Comfort bra. It may be one of the most hideous bras I've ever seen, but if it can keep my "personality" cool I don't really care. [side note: Dear Playtex, What is the point of advertising this revolutionary new bra if it's not available on your website? Discuss] Can they make underwear like this? Or pants? Or socks? Or full space outfits? What does a girl have to do to avoid schvitzing in her delicate's????

Winter Greetings from Murderville

It was quite eventful in Murderville last night. For the 1st time ever (knock wood) I didn't lose power! It seems I'm always in the group that loses power when there's a big storm, but last night I was spared. Praise Allah! Unfortunately, others were not so lucky. My partner in crime and word of the day president Jen, lost power from 9-1230; missing many important TV shows. Another friend watched as a transformer blew in front of her house, catching the surrounding trees on fire. (!) Thankfully, the firemen came and power was only lost for an hour. Another friend lost power yesterday from 12-5 and again from 10-still out. He did build a 9 ft tall snowman, so at least the day was not wasted.

It occurred to me (and I may be a late bloomer here) that I/we are lucky to live in or near a posh neighborhood. Sure, Murderville is low rent, but down the same street are million dollar McMansions. When the power does go out, it's usually back on within the hour. Where Jen lives, she's surrounded by large homes and adorable craftsman's. Lauren lives in the land of fancy condos. The case is driven home by pointing out my friend who is still without power lives in an older, middle to lower-middle class neighborhood. Moral of the story- Beverly Hills may have some slums, but it's still Beverly Hills.

I also suffered flashback's last night. Again, strange noises were heard in my courtyard. I carefully peered out the blinds and saw nothing. First thing first, I checked the gate (really, I have got to tell the gate story at some point, it really is spectacularly crazy); then went back to watching TV. The noise happened again, and this time I could see were it was coming from. There was a lady running around the courtyard wearing a motorcycle helmet. Out of view, I could see flashes from a camera. Hilarious! I also realized I'm getting old.

"Oh, how fun! I'm super jealous. I wish I knew them so I could go outside and run around."

"God, it's been like 5 minutes. Why won't they shut up? It can't still be fun!"

"I hope they get frost bite!"

[side note: At some point my satanic upstairs joined in the fun which was a relief from the constant noise I usually hear. Until that is, they came back inside stomping around and chasing their evil dog. Didn't you get enough of that outside?? Come on!]

It is incredibly boring and sad to be at work today. It is a lovely 36 outside, the snow is starting to melt, I can drive anywhere I want (except Whole Foods because they don't have power), and everyone else I know is home drinking champagne and watching Netflix.

You would think this boredom would lead to something creative, but alas, no. I've spent my day at work photocopying recipes, reading, watching "Law & Order" on the L&O channel, and eating pizza.

[side note: Big shout out to Domino's for being open for delivery!!! I officially heart you more than Papa John's who couldn't drive the block and a half to the office w/my Tuscan cheese pizza. And, you were cheaper. Kudos!]

I was very excited to learn that Direct TV works in snow as long as you sweep the dish every 2-3 hours. 12.5 inches of snow? No problem! Why can't it work like that in heavy rain? Losers. I did miss the end of "Grey's Anatomy" (and no, I will not apologize for watching! Those who stuck with it last season have been rewarded w/a plum of a season this year). Next stop, watching it online; perhaps today.

Oh!! One of our resident's just brought us cupcakes! Ohhhh, red velvet w/butter creme icing. Delish. Gotta remember to send a thank you card...

(Okay, that was random and it's not even Saturday)

While trying to leave my house and get to work today (please send me your sympathy), I saw this:

Uh... Excuse me, Douche? Why/How did you think it was acceptable to park your car in the middle of the road? Forget about turning left when you enter my driveway. Re-purposed cop car is in the middle of the "T". You couldn't get closer to the dumpster? If I didn't like my car, I would have run into you on purpose, then leave a note explaining how you deserved it. Problem is, you probably can't read. I hope you want to be famous, because I'm posting this with the word "douche" stamped on it in the laundry room. Oh, and on Facebook and Twitter. I already had to move a tree (!) just to get to my car, I don't need to put up with you as well, Asshole.

It's Finally Looking A Lot Like February!

Yes ladies and gents, it is snowing in Dallas. I know this is new and foreign for many of you, but rest assured- you are fine. Please, however, drive carefully (you know how you do when it's raining out or too sunny? Very cautiously? That's what I'm talking about). Thankfully, it is not that icy which is the kind of winter weather we normally receive here in Northern Texas. Already I would say I have at least 5-6 inches of snow on my car. Yipee!

As a life long resident of Dallas, I can remember actual snow days growing up. In elementary, we must have gotten at least 4 or 5. Sure, it was mostly due to the aforementioned ice, but still. I got to make snow angels, snow balls, and tiny (mostly brown or green due to the high mud and grass content) snowmen. Looking outside, I no longer miss my usual trip up north this time of year. Seems it has come to me. Thanks weather!

Now if only I had remembered to re-treat my snow boots like I had planned weeks ago!

Last night was the premiere meeting of the DFW bloggers and it was a lot of fun. I can't wait to do another one when I can drink and don't have to dash out early. A couple gems for you:

* "The only time 12" isn't enough!"- This was in reference to a story about trying to break down a locked bathroom door using a ruler at one point. Equally funny story.

* Something called I wear your shirt . Seems like a genius plan and I'm bummed I never thought of it.

* "Maybe her mouth's not very big"

-"You've got to learn to unhinge your jaw like a snake" - And no, this is not about what you think it is

* "I would stuff myself full of stuffing and sew my mouth shut" -On the prospect of working at Build-A-Bear

All in all, a very good outing. I had to leave early though, so probably missed several more incredible bon mots. My friend was hosting trivia at the local bar and I had to go after accosting him for the heavily male skewed questions last week. Really, this is a complaint about all bar trivia games. They are usually run and put together by guys who pick questions and categories they find interesting. Understandable. Yet, when you have a diverse crowd playing, you need to play to both gender's perceived strengths. He made up for it in spades though and our team won! Yea!! To be far, they were still general knowledge questions and our team was equally split- 2 ladies 2-guys. Everyone had the opportunity to save the team and get the answer to a tough question. I am definitely more excited about going if he continues to incorporate equal gender questions into the game.

Misconceiving Texas

In my growing effort to dispel the myths of being Texan, I’ve decided finally to “take it to the blog”. It has amazed me for years, the common misconceptions people have about my great state. From New York to California to Tennessee, the number of amazing, and sometimes ridiculously ignorant, questions I have received have overwhelmed my brain; nudging out important Jeopardy trivia facts, names of acquaintances, and my entire 3rd grade year.

What other state requires two years of state history? Texas. I know more about the Alamo than I do about recent American history. I never made it past the industrial revolution in school, but I have two years of Alamo, American Indian War, Mexican-American War, and annexation, but no years of Roosevelt or Kennedy. Kinda sad, right? Not if you want to indoctrinate your citizens with an overwhelming pride that could only possibly be matched by New Yorkers.

Welcome to "Misconceiving Texas".

Misconception about Texas #3: It's always hot.

First off, not true. Sure, we might not have the snowed in trials and tribulations of the Midwest and Northeast, but that doesn't mean we don't experience winter. This isn't California! Texas has four agreed upon regions that comprise it's almost 262,000 square miles: Coastal Plains, Interior Lowlands, Great Plains, and Mountains and Basin Range. Each has a unique topography that mimics the rest of the country. How can a state so large be lumped into only one category? It's impossible.

In the Coastal Plains, winters are pretty mild. Encompassing, Houston, Corpus Christi, to San Antonio. Tropical winds moving in from the Gulf of Mexico keep the coast line humid.
From Abilene to Dallas and down towards Waco, the Interior Lowlands are what I call home. Very hot summers lead to crisp winters. No one who lives here should have any argument against the existence of global warming. When I was in grade school, we had snow days and ice days. I can remember crunching through the ice towards home from school. Now, the winters are cold but mostly dry. We haven't had a real winter since the Ice Storm of 2000. That being said, 30⁰F is cold anywhere in the world.

(Yep, that was my car earlier this week. Like the beginnings of Lake Murderville in the background?)

In the Great Plains region, they wouldn't know snow if it knocked on their door. When I lived in Austin, I was surprised at how warm it was in January. I asked them if they ever got snow or ice. My friends who grew up there looked at me like I'd sprouted a second head! This is not to say the freak snow storm doesn't pop up from time to time. My sister said there was one a few years ago that disrupted finals at A&M, however it is uncommon.

On many maps, the Great Plains reaches up into the Texas panhandle. Here, snow is a completely different story. Lubbock and Amarillo lie in the same plain as New Mexico and parts of Colorado, so they get a good dose of snow in the winters and have temperate summers.
In the Mountains and Basins region, snow is a foreign word. Sweeping up the Western portion of the state along the Rio Grande to El Paso, like other desert regions, it gets cold in the winter but nothing more.

Where ever you're from in the U.S., there is a part of Texas that will make you feel like home. Enjoy hiking and being outdoors? Check out the central part of the state. Are you a snow bunny who wants winter or bust? Move to the panhandle. Fishing, snorkeling, and bad surfing can be found along the coast. For those of you who want the Texas you see in television advertisements, check out the Rio Grande.

And yes, Virginia, it gets cold here too.