The Girl Code

A Primer for Those Not in the Know

There are certain things little girls grow up learning that differs tremendously from little boys, and no; I'm not including the "sex" talk or 4th grade health class. What I'm talking about is the Girl Code. We learn: that sharing is okay so long as the other girl knows the object is now not hers, that gossip is an easy way to pass the time, that short skirts will get us attention, that profanity is funny out of our mouths, and that pinky swear is the ultimate in girl swear.

As we get older, many of these codes evolve and dissolve into new codes (which we will now call "beliefs" or "rules"). We share more with our girlfriends than just our Barbie's. We share clothes, secrets, dieting tips, trips to the bathroom, gossip, toothbrushes, relationship advice, guy talk, sex talk, books, movies, and periods. The major difference now is we're not worried about when we'll get a loaned item back and the stream of expletives that flow out of our mouths is no longer funny.

One thing we don't share (and maybe one of the only things) is boys. Stealing a friends boyfriend is tantamount to treason and the definition of stealing is loosely defined at best. In general, once your girlfriend has gone out with him he's off limits. I'm not saying they went on one or two dates and called it quits (though some girls will define it that way), but more if they were in any stage of a relationship past awkward hugs good bye. If they've slept together, he's off limits.

Can you get around this code? Is it possible not to banish any and all new males from the group simply for taking your friend out? Maybe. Depends.

Say one of your friends ex's starts chatting you up and asks you out. Previous to this exchange, you may have never entertained such an idea but now that it's in front of you who are you to turn it down? It's been a while since your last date and that was a disaster. As a girl and friend to his ex, you should immediately decline. The next step is to feel out what she thinks of the whole situation, which I call Asking Permission. Did they just break up? Is she still in love/like/lust with him? Do you value her as a friend in any way? If the answer was "yes" to any of these, Girl Code dictates that he is off limits. Has she found someone new or started dating again? Is she over him (but not hate him)? Then you can ask permission, and that's exactly what you're doing.

"Hey, I saw Joe McCool yesterday. It was really weird, he asked me out. I felt kind of uncomfortable about it though because I know you guys dated/used to be kind of serious/lived together."

Then you wait for her response. In most cases, your friend will remember Code #1 about sharing and since she no longer harbors any attachment to him will give her blessing. Listen carefully to clues that he is/was bad news. However, if she says something like "I hope you told him no/go to hell!"; he is off limits. Heck, for all intents and purposes he is dead to you.

What if it's been a while (I mean years here, not months), and your girlfriend has moved on to someone new and it's pretty serious. What if she doesn't live in the state? What if you've moved and haven't seen her in a while? What if?

Girl Code still dictates you tell her, but now you're not so much asking permission (i.e. being passive aggressive) as you are giving her a heads up. I don't know why I find this to be the most difficult scenario. Maybe because I don't think you should have to seek permission from someone who is living with/engaged/married to someone else. That, if nothing else, should put him back "in limits". Maybe it's also because things don't always (usually) last very long with me and I'd prefer not to jinx it or have to answer for it later. I believe strongly in the jinx and am convinced it has something to do with things turning sour shortly after I start talking about a new beau.

How do you view the Girl Code? What do you do?

You Smell Real Purty...

Fall and winter are my favorite times of year. In Texas, these are relatively defined terms, but any break from weather should be a state holiday. This past week though, the weather cannot decide what it wants to do and I need it to get on the ball. As much as I love my galoshes, I’d like to finally put them away long enough to dry out. I’d also like to always have to throw on a scarf when leaving the house.

[side note: Come on weather! You know sweater season is good for everyone. Have you seen me in a sweater? I have, and let me tell you, it’s probably my best look.]

My number one reason for loving cooler weather is that I get to wear my favorite fragrance, Narciso Rodriguez. While light, frilly, girly, floral perfumes have a time and a place (see those 100º days I was talking about), I don’t particularly like them. Even in the warmer months, I am bound to slip in something with a heavier musk base then one with vanilla or vetiver. You may be asking yourself, “What the hell is she talking about?” Well, let me break it down for you:

Creating perfume is a complicated procedure. The main things you, the consumer, should know are the basic layers of fragrance. These are the things sometimes printed on sample bottles and always being rattled off by the sales person. The Top Notes are the most aggressive. This is what you smell first when you apply a fragrance. The scents composing this layer are also the most fleeting. They begin to break down immediately and blend with the layer below it. The Middle or Heart Notes compose the body of the fragrance. These help remove any harsh qualities the top notes have. The Base Notes are the foundation of any fragrance. This level represents staying power and more hearty scents. The most common are Musk, Vanilla, Amber, and Patchouli. This whole process takes anywhere from 15 minutes to several hours, which is why it is important to spray a new fragrance on yourself then walk around a bit. If you still like it 20 minutes later, you’re good to go.

How does this all tie into my original statement on seasonal wear-ability? Fragrance is heavily influenced by your body’s temperature, not just your body’s chemical make-up. Every fragrance smells differently on everyone. In warmer months, the “deeper” fragrances can become over powering. It is also important to switch out your signature scent periodically to avoid nasal fatigue. (We’ve all witnessed it: The woman or man who seems to have bathed in their perfume and are subsequently trying to kill you with it. Do us all a favor: The best way to apply EDP or EDT is to spray it into the air and walk through the cloud. If you have pure parfum, apply to pulse points like the wrist and hollow of your throat.)

Now, back to my love of the fall and the brilliance of Narciso Rodriguez. This perfume comes complete with my own “surgeon general’s” warning. A heartwarming story: Back in the day at our favorite bar, I was wearing Narciso and the gentleman in my group became uncontrollable. I know! I wouldn’t believe it either if it were not happening to me. It was like I was in some sort of TV ad. They wanted to hug me and smell my neck. One friend became so obsessed with the scent, I had to institute a 2-foot radius between him and me for fear he would devour me. It was hilarious!

“This is my circle, and that is your circle. Do not enter my circle!”

On a tragic note, this gentleman’s girlfriend and one of my best friends tried the same trick and he didn’t even notice she was wearing it. No, not because he’s insensitive or the relationship was dwindling; but because it smelled completely different on her.

Needless to say, whatever feelings I had about this particular fragrance were immediately inflated 10 fold. It has become my go to for all occasions and I am so glad to begin wearing it again. It’s spicy and sensual with notes of Egyptian Musk, Orange Blossom, Amber, Coriander, and Vanilla. Fragrance is extremely personal and for good reason: The sense of smell is the most powerful memory trigger.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go back to smelling my wrist and purring to myself. I wish you good luck, and as always, am here for you and to offer suggestions. Trust me, I’m a professional and I have the certificate to prove it!To help you find your perfect new fragrance for Fall, visit: The Fragrance Directory for all the latest releases, and well as a fragrance match system that suggests new fragrances based on what you already like.