A Kind Saturday... Sort of

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* As you know, I've been on a major food kick for the past year or so- as much organic and local produce as I can afford along with free range/grass fed meat. I think it's important to know what you're eating! Oprah has been running her "Best of..." shows all year and I got to catch one I had wanted to see all about food and responsibility. If you haven't seen it, you can check out clips and info here. The episode featured food author Michael Pollan ("The Omnivore's Dilemma" and "Food Rules"), actress Alicia Silverstone, and clips from the film "Food, Inc.". I knew of Pollan but had never read any of his books, but I will just as soon as I find one at Half Price Books. His food rules are simple and easy to follow; his motto being "Eat food. Mostly plants. Not too much". The episode talked a lot about responsible eating and easy ways to change your habits. It seems daunting when you think about cutting out certain foods (I just can't quit you fast food, especially when I've been drinking), however, I haven't eaten a frozen dinner in I don't know how long and feel great about it. My Meatless Mondays leave me feeling refreshed and great all day and Tuesday morning. ( PS- I've been really good the past couple weeks and remembered it was Monday! I'm already prepared for the next Monday with some delicious colcannon I made- skip the bacon, it's not traditional and personally it's gross). Organic produce simply tastes better and isn't that much more expensive than the measly "regular" food. I'm always reminded of Margritte's painting "The Son of Man" whenever I eat an organic apple- they're huge!

Alicia Silverstone was on to talk about her new book "The Kind Diet" and her vegan lifestyle. I don't think I could do it since eggs and cheese are my two favorite foods, but I fully support it! I've been meaning to read her book and become a "flirter" (a person who flirts with vegetarianism/veganism). She is a great spokesperson for the movement and some of the recipes they mentioned sound delicious! The thing I liked most about her was her effervescent personality and charm. The biggest problem, I feel, between vegetarians and meat eaters is a lack of respect and understanding. We have this vision of a militant hippie shaking their fist at us while we eat a hamburger or the glare when you say your vegetarian. I'm sure there are people like that out there, but I've never met any. Think about it this way, if you were attacked daily about your food decisions, wouldn't you become a bit defensive too? Silverstone came across as the kind of person who supports all choices but secretly wishes you would join her on the "kind side". She's vegan and mostly macrobiotic, yet admitted that she's cheated with cheese before. I love it! Imperfection is perfection. I can't wait to get the book and give you a full report. You can learn all about her and the book at The Kind Diet. There is a lot of good information there.

I also thought a lot about my sister while watching this episode. She is vegetarian/pescatarian and has been for many years. It's kind of tough in our house to exclude meat and she has maintained a healthy disposition and perseverance throughout the teasing! While I am an outspoken supporter of everything my sister does, I realized I could do more. We always talk about going to different vegetarian restaurants but I never follow through. I think, in a way, I'm spooked out by them and worried I won't like what they have to serve. I am a historically picky eater. Funny thing is, she never was. the girl ate scrapple once! If I'd only done a bit of research, like I have today, and looked at a menu; I wouldn't have been so worried. So, I am prepared to go to a vegetarian restaurant when I visit you or next time you are in town!

* A recent conversation with Word-of-the-Day Jennie:
Jennie: "They've got a castle!" (I think she's playing some sort of Facebook farming game)
Me: "Well, get a castle then."
Jennie (in a mopey voice): "I can't afford it"
I just burst out laughing! She was so sad to not have this fictional castle... so cute.

* Speaking of which, the word of the day is: confusion (I have no idea why, but it seems to fit the day perfectly)
[UPDATE: For the 1st time, there is a second word of the day and it is "lurned", as in "I just lurned something new". Further proof that Facebook needs spell checker]

* PS- If you have a busy day planned, it's probably best not to stay out until 4 AM the previous night. I wish I could say lesson learned, but I'm sure it will happen again.

* It's hard to tell in the above picture (way to go, camera phone), but that couch says "No Beardos" on it. What the heck is a beardo and why don't they want them? Just another benefit to living in Murderville- discarded crack den furniture. PS- It's been by the curb for a week now. Why is the city not picking it up?

* "I guess I never knew the definition of berry. I thought it was just a fruit that grew on bushes- a bush fruit" (According to my Diet Peach Snapple, a strawberry is not a berry but a banana is. Turns out that is correct, a berry being by scientific definition a fruit whose seeds are evenly distributed on the inside of the flesh. The above was my response. Our general goofy mood and possible hangover made this statement hilarious and dirty. I almost choked on a carrot!

Saturday is for Alice in Wonderland

* Last night Word-of-the-Day Jen and I went to see "Alice in Wonderland" (in 3D of course). If I'm being honest, I have to give it 3 stars with a big "A" for effort. The art direction is beautiful and definitely representative of the previous Disney classic and Carroll's illustrations. The FX all look nice as well. Helena Bonham Carter is magnificent as the Red Queen (and her large noggin is in no way distracting or resembling of a bobble head as I previously feared). So, why only 3 out of 5 stars? The movie is, quite simply, a little boring. By now you've probably heard it's a "continuation" of the previous story- Alice is now 19 and running away from a bad engagement. Unfortunately, it isn't; it's the same story we've heard/seen a million times. Making Alice older does not a continuation make. Alice still falls down the rabbit hole, eats and drinks to grow large and small, meets a cast of extraordinary characters, battles the Red Queen (here it's tete-a-tete with the Jaberwocky), is amused by the White Queens' novelty (a nice reference to "Through the Looking Glass"), and finally chooses to go home rather than stay in the magical Wonderland. Yawn. Burton had the ability to create any story he deemed fit when he called it a "continuation" (there's that word again!). Instead, he chose to weave themes and characters from both books, into a movie we felt as if we've seen before. There is nothing inherently wrong with a remake, Alice is a great character due for revitalization, so why didn't he just do that?

This new "Alice" is another great example of what I referenced previously about 3D. Burton used more traditional 3D for this picture and understandably so. Nothing will look like "Avatar" unless they use James Cameron's modified Sony HD cameras and computer technology (which I don't think Burton had access to at the time). Everything else is the same old thing we didn't care about before and I believe will not care about in the near future. The action was primarily static and what could have been breathtaking fell flat. The bread-and-butterflys never popped out at us. The Horse-flies stayed on the screen. Even the Mad Hatter (Johnny Deep switching inexplicably between a light English accent and Scottish brogue) throwing out a pair of cloth spools, never made its leap off the screen and into our faces. What's worse, this movie needed the 3D to keep me entertained at all. The writing was weak and I couldn't understand what they were saying half the time (I'm guessing it was a special language for those on the side of the White Queen, but who knows). Thank goodness it was pretty.

My suggestion, rent it. Just be sure to get your 3D glasses!

* Speaking of movies, I am so excited that the first meeting of WWQTW movie club is Monday! I've got the whole thing planned out complete with my own brand of type-A nerdiness. Full review to follow Tuesday.

* Yesterday was a long day. By the time we got out to the bar for a drink I was sleepy. Plus, no one was out since Saturday is the St. Patrick's Day parade and most of them were going to be on a float throwing Jello-O shots at passersby. So, we sat and sat. Until, Jen brought out the magical game that is Super Circles (thanks Sonic!). I won't go into how to play, but before long this harmless children's card game turned into an adult drinking game. I completely lost my mind at one point, perhaps because I kept losing and had to keep drinking. I kept telling Jen to "slow her roll". I can't even remember the last time I said that! It was so fun! A snippet of our conversation:

ME: "I'd like to thank Super Circles for getting this party started!"

JEN: "Yep, that's going in the blog".

* Once again, I wrote down something funny with no context clues to help me determine/remember what we were talking about. I'll let you decide:

"Now you're fucking Depends?"

"Well, if they're used..."

* Speaking of Jen, the word of the day is: Leprechaun (she had to fight off the voices in her head for that one too!)

* It's Daylight Savings today, so don't forget to move your clocks forward tonight at 2 AM. That would make it 3 AM. I hate daylight savings. It cuts into my good time and I lose an hour of sleep. Not cool earth! And after I started recycling and everything just for you!

* Last week I told you I couldn't find the napkin I wrote all my genius on. Well, good news- I found it! And, some if it is actually genius: We were hanging outside neighborhood bar #2 and couldn't help overhearing the crazy conversation happening behind us. We re-named Pooka Shell-Wearing-Douche as Geometry Man! Observe Geometry Man ask he talks to the opposite sex: "You see this guy?" while pointing to another oddly nerdy kick ball enthusiast, "His Dad invented the trapezoid". Seriously. I know my panties got moist just hearing those words. Trapezoid. In reality, I almost fell off my picnic bench laughing. One of my buddies came back with, "This guy? He invented polyhedron dice and Dungeons & Dragons". Exactly how does any of this impress women? I wouldn't have been surprised if one of the inebriated blondes came back with, "What's a trapezoid?" Furthermore, how do you invent a trapezoid? I tried looking that up online and the only answer I got was "some smart math nerd". Regardless(ly), I'm sure that guys Dad didn't do it. I then skipped off singing the "Do the Rhombus" song from a learning show we had to watch in Elementary featuring a guy dressed in a unitard with and interior view of the body painted on it.

82nd Academy Awards- Finally!!!!!

Well, this wasn’t my best showing at picking the winners but I didn’t do too badly either- 16 out of 24! I have to say, I think this was one of the best years show wise we’ve seen in a while. So many highlights! So much genuine laughter! Great speeches! I took note of it all and texted back and forth with several friend’s the whole time. I’m including the best messages I received where applicable below. Enjoy!

The whole thing starts on the red carpet and wardrobe watching. This year’s carpet was a cluster fuck (pardon the language) with people coming and going in all directions. No one seemed to know where they were going or who they were supposed to talk to. I will say Ryan Seacrest did a good job on E! but what the heck was happening on ABC? Why were Sherri Shepherd and Kathy Ireland there? {text: “Listening to her is painful. She needs to go work on her Kmart designs”} Why was Ireland standing like a cracked out Barbie doll? Shepherd did have the best line from the red carpet. While interviewing George Clooney she said, “Get the ones that don’t understand English!” in response to his girlfriend not understanding a question. Burn! It was so awkward! Now for what’s really important- Fashion!
[side note: Ladies, please stand up straight. I’m looking at you Miley Cyrus and Zoe Saldana! Come on, if Maggie Gyllenhall can learn to do you so can you.]

Best Dressed (Wow! Kristen Stewart actually bathed!) {text: “SJP looks like she has a hot cross bun on her head”}

Worst Dressed {text: “It’s canoe with his face mold!” That’s Keanu for the uninitiated}

On the Fence {text: “That dress bored me to tears” on Kate Winslet}

• What an opening! Neil Patrick Harris. Dancers. Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin descending from Glenda the Good Witch’s bubble. Jokes that were actually funny. Thank god! Can we hire Adam Shankman for next year’s show now? Best line: Martin: “Oh look! Damn Helen Mirren” Baldwin: “That’s DAME Helen Mirren”. Runner up: “…plays a Nazi obsessed with finding Jews. Well Christophe!”

• When the nominations for supporting actor began I loved how this year they showed a montage of clips from the film and not just one small bit. I thought it really helped showcase the nominee’s talent and give more depth to why they were nominated.

• John Hughe’s special memoriam. I’d heard about this a few days ago and thought it was lovely, especially the shots of all the actor’s who had been in his films. Very classy and sweet.

• On a negative note, I’m tired of the way the “In Memoriam” segment is directed. I don’t give a frak about James Taylor. All I want to see is who died. Instead, we miss a few names staring at Taylor’s bald head and in wide shot of the stage. Every year! This is the one area I don’t want you to be artistic. Just show up the pictures. And, where was Farrah Fawcett? Was she one of the ones we missed while in close up of Taylor or was she simply forgotten? {text: “He is so cheesy. Wait, that’s insulting to cheese”- in reference to James Taylor}

• Maybe not a negative but certainly a “what the hell” moment: Acceptance speech for Documentary Short. Who was that wack-a-doo and why did she feel the need to shove her co-producer? {text: “She will never work in this town again! What is that guy wearing?”}

• I loved the banter between Tina Fey and Robert Downey Jr. while introducing the screenwriting award. I think that got a laugh from everyone in the audience (mostly for his real truth than it simply being funny).

• Another good quote, this one from Robin Williams: “The Governor’s Ball. Just one of the many balls being held all over Hollywood tonight”.

• I loved Sandy Powell’s dress! It’s so refreshing to see a Best Costume winner who looks like she has an idea what fashion is. They are usually such a disaster!

• TRIBUTE TO HORROR!!! I am officially submitting my petition for a Best Horror Movie category. They never get any love (not since “The Exorcist”!) However, couldn’t they have included a clip from one of Eli Roth’s movies? I mean, he was in the audience for pete’s sake and had a lot to do with revitalizing the genre.

• Another great speech: Michael Giacchino for Best Score. You are “not a waste of time”! Here here! PS- what am amazing dance performance! I heart you League of Extraordinary Dancers!

• I also loved that the Best Actor categories where presented like last year with past co-stars sharing thoughts and anecdotes about the nominees. Michele Pfeiffer’s was one of the highlights as was Peter Sarsgaard.

• Can anyone explain to me what Sean Penn was talking about? Politics in nominees? Or politics in how to introduce nominees? Huh? Please, if you know please comment below. Now I didn’t pick Sandra Bullock, mostly because I haven’t seen that movie and it looked like one step from the Lifetime Movie Network. I guess now I’ll have to see it. However, she gave a great speech. Could this be the first time someone has made so many homosexual references in their speech for a movie not about homosexuality? “My lover Meryl Streep”- Loved it! I also loved her message about and to her mother. Schön!

• Finally, it’s happened. The barrier has been broken. A woman won best director. I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. I always hoped this would happen in my lifetime and am so pleased it happened to Kathryn Bigelow, a director I’ve admired for years. If I’m being nitpicky, her speech could have been better. It was just so generic. You would never know how revolutionary her win was. Take a note from Halle Berry (hell, even Mo’nique) and make a statement, give a couple shout outs! Oh well, I really don’t care. Her startled expression when she also won Best Picture was priceless!

• I win the side pool on end time of the show with an 11:05 guess. Everyone owes me a dollar!

So Funny, It's Scary

Have you seen a Brink's Home Security commercial recently? They're hilarious! While I understand that there is nothing funny about home invasion, you have to admit, these commercials cannot take themselves seriously. Here, let me give you an example:



Mind you, I missed the part where he had snuck into her house party to case the joint, but still. Come on! He knows she's home. Did he not see the alarm pad next to the front door? No one at the party knows who he is? Alarm bells didn't ring in her head that he was a stranger? Oh wait, no, she checked her brain at the door when she installed the home alarm. Ugh! How often do burglars try to break into an occupied house? What's better is he looks at her, she looks at him, he breaks the window, then runs away. What was the point???

If someone can tell me why this commercial isn't funny, I'd love to hear it. And, don't tell me because it's about burglars. You want to tell me that was a serious and dramatic piece of commercial excellence? Next, you'll tell me it's safe to swim in shark infested waters.

Please.

Eddie, Eddie, Eddie! OY! OY! OY!

Last night, Jennie "Word of the Day", her mother, and I went to see Eddie Izzard at the AAC. It was awesome!!!

Awesomeness #1- Our seats. With the exception of the tall girl with a rather bulbous head sitting in front of me, they could not have been more perfect! We were on the floor, in the "second" section (it was hard to tell where the front section ended and the back section began) in row "S". The stage was set up like an ancient tomb with hieroglyphs, cuneiform, Latin, Celtic, and neanderthal cave paintings written along the bottom. There were three GIANT screens, so the big head in front of me mattered even less.

Awesomeness #2- Merchandise you actually want to buy. Of course there were the requisite tour tees, but he also had mugs, DVD's, hats, beanies, bags, jackets, programs, etc. I birthed a kitten the second I walked up to the counter- joke tees. It seems redundant, but the best thing about Eddie, a stand up comic, are his jokes. They're smart and burrow into your brain, waiting for the perfect moment to unleash them at parties, work, or at the bar on your unwitting friends. A red tee read: "I'm covered in bees!" And, it was. I was so tempted to get this one, as I say that one a lot. Another read "I'm Jeff Vader", however once my eyes rested on the next shirt I knew I was done for:

The theme of this tour was the history of the world- not a lot to talk about in 2 1/2 hours! My favorite running joke of the night involved a velociraptor, usually wearing a hat. He gets caught speeding, writing poetry, organizing religion. Hilarious. Oddly, there are no photos of a raptor wearing a Dr. Watson type hat, but I did find this. A pretty good second:

I am CONVINCED there is a movie (possibly cartoon) featuring a velociraptor dressed in turn of the century garb. Or I might be thinking about "Dinosaurs" from Saturday morning cartoons...

In closing, Eddie Izzard is my homeboy and I heart him very much. If you have never seen him, put "Dressed to Kill" on your Netflix queue ASAP. It's okay, I'll wait. Do it now!

If you are familiar with him, get thee to a show next time he's in your town. In future, I'll probably pay a bit less for tickets so I can sit in chairs with cup holders in the stands (and not have to worry about large heads), then on the floor in folding chairs. With the giant screens, it may have been nice to see more and brag less.

Two Movie Reviews and the Bizaar World of Text Messaging

Being sick should have given me plenty of time to think of new topics of discussion for this blog. It didn't. All it did was feed my hypochondria (seriously thought I'd coughed up brain matter at one point) and give me an appreciation for "healthy living"- whatever that is.


I did see two amazing movies this week- "The Young Victoria" starring Emily Blunt, Rupert Friend (I'd like to "friend" him, if you know what I'm saying), and Paul Bettany. It was wonderful. I didn't know anything about Queen Victoria except that she reigned England for a super long time (turns out she was the longest reigning soverign- 63 years!), was the namesake for the Victorian era (awesome for art, architechture, and industry), and the urban legend about Prince Alberts piercing (probably not true). Turns out she lived a fascinating life, and as portrayed by Blunt, seems to come alive. She is definitely my 2nd runner up for the Golden Globes.


I also saw "The Hurt Locker" last night. Wow. What a picture. Did you see "Generation Kill"? You like war movies that aren't "political"? Rent this immediately. You certainly need to check this movie out. Kathryn Bigelow, director, is nominated for a Golden Globe (only the 4th time in history) and stands a chance to win. Why? She made a "male" movie in a sea of "chick flicks". Bigelow has made a career out of this type of "against cast" movie making- "Near Dark", "Point Break", "K-19: The Widdowmaker". In a recent interview (I believe with Entertainment Weekly) she expressed a desire for the time when her work will be recognized for it's weight and talent, and not on the novelty of her being a woman. Here here! I too am not a big fan of "chick" movies. I hope Bigelow wins if for no other reason that it would be awesome (2nd time- go ladies!), but because it would help open doors for other female filmmakers who want to avoid cliche boy-meets-girl movies in favor of "boy-meets-war"/horror/sci-fi/awesome movies. She's certainly carving the way in stone for those who will come after her and I would love to see her get a little help in that arena.

"The Hurt Locker" isn't so much a "war movie" or even a movie about war. It's about soldiers, about fear and sweat and machismo. It's a slice of life- the last 38 days in the rotation for Bravo company's bomb squad. Jeremy Renner is excellent- the right mix of dangerous and mortal. The cinematography is another character in itself, putting you right in the action. I bet this movie was something to see on the big screen.

That being said, I would still like to see Quentin Tarantino win.

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If I could say one thing about my friends, it's that they're hilarious. If I could say two things, it's that they're hilariously weird; especially when it comes to text messages. In (odd) honor of my new favorite blog (see here), I've decided to reprint some of my favorites for your pleasure.

August 1, 2009 (in response to what I'm doing that night if I'm at home and not out as usual)

K- lemme guess lone star in hand with a napkin over the label half pack of luckys at some resident bar?

Me- nope. at home

K- What you have a guy over? Entertaining the masses? Getting all sophisticated on me? or just poor?

Me- poor. drinking martini and watching movies

K- Just checkin Figured it wasn't boons farm for you. If it was I was going to have to make a d [Dallas] flight to remind you that you are better than that.

Me- You are a good friend.

Okay, that may not be funny, but it is weird that he knew what I would be drinking, how I would drink it, etc. I guess I'm predictable.

August 19, 2009
(random response to a question i don't remember posing)

S- Is the answer Jesus?

The best come from my friend J. The man has the brilliant mind of an autistic 13 year old (please don't send letters- I mean that as a compliment. Plus, it's kinda funny so lighten up!). A sampling:

August 27, 2009
J- I used semen to defend a baby eagle from a snake. So does that make me eco friendly?

Notice how craziness seems to culminate in August?

October 21, 2009
J- I need to hide some semen somewhere on you. It's for a trick im learning.

Me- maybe you should just pull a rabbit out of a hat, but you must have a cape for it to work

J- A cape. Of course. Do you think I don't know the basics of [auxillary] magic and its teachings. Jeez.

In response to my recent illness:
J- Try cutting off the edges of your sandwiches. That should start the healing probes.

Me- Here i thought my cat had put a fatwah on me

J- Is that greek for shoelace?


It's now occuring to me that I should have focused on the "probes" protion of that text.