It's Saturday: I'm floating in a sea of Randomness

Oh boy, do I have some random things to talk about. It seems once I started writing them down, I couldn't stop!

*The other day, I looked at myself in the mirror and thought, "Sometimes my make-up is so on point, I think I look like a drag queen!"

*Dear walkers, joggers, and all around fitness nuts: Walk AGAINST traffic or I will be forced to run you down with my car. Seriously, don't get mad and shake your fist at me when you get startled to find there is a car on the road.

*Dear eHarmony: Calling yourselves a "relationship site" and not a "dating site" isn't fooling anyone.

*Some people should never wear cowboy hats. I'm looking at you Casey Affleck!

*I've been watching a lot of late night MTV, Fuse, etc. and I have no idea what is going on. Shakira? What the hell are you doing? I'm glad there's music on at some point in the day (even if it is 3 AM), but I am officially old. I don't get it. Please explain it to me. I think in the 45 minutes I was toggling between channels I saw one band- one group of people playing an instrument.

*On a similar note: Can someone tell me the difference between Jet and The Donnas besides the obvious? I just heard the new Jet song on the radio and if you substituted Bret Anderson for Nic Cester and you've got a Donna's song. I was reading something the other day about the difference between music critics and music writers and how one group believes the music is the most important thing while the other believes it's the lyrics. I have to say, I believe it's a combination of both. See the success of the above two mentioned bands. Clearly lyrics are not the winner here. In fact, lyrics don't seem to be the winner in ANY modern music played on the radio. However, most will not be remembered in 20 years and will not make it to the oldies station. Oh god, that reminds me. When did the classic rock station start playing music from the 90's?

*An Open Letter to the Masses: Toilet paper goes over not under. I don't want to have to dig around the back of the roll looking for the end. You're not helping anyone. From here on out, all toilet paper will be installed properly or I will confiscate your rolls. I will appreciate them a lot more than you, clearly.

*Obliviousness: 1 : lacking remembrance, memory, or mindful attention 2 : lacking active conscious knowledge or awareness —usually used with of or to. See also: people who block the driveway of apartment complexes entering the gate code when the gate is already open. I'm disturbed that these people are behind the wheel.

*I keep losing pieces of Tupperware. I have the lid, but not the base, or vice verse. Where are the going? Are there storage gnomes that come and steal bits at night? At least they've left my socks and underwear alone!

*Yesterday at Taco Bell I saw this t-shirt: "All stressed out and no one to CHOKE". Um...No. Quit it!

*I don't remember Saved By The Bell being so bad. However, I am thankful for the mini marathon playing right now.

*New curse word: Fun. As in, "Go fun yourself!" or "What the fun?!"

*Overheard today at work: "Why can I never find someone to rob?" [side note: I am no longer interested in you Mafia Wars. You can suck it!]

And now, for my comic of the day:

Thank you Married to the Sea

So You Think I Talk Funny...

I’ve mentioned previously how much I enjoy profanity- using it, hearing creative uses of it, collecting new phrases, everything. Maybe I was a pirate in a previous life or simply because I was raised by a Navy man and it’s in my blood, I don’t know. There’s something about it. It’s bad. You’re not supposed to do it, but it doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s something grown-ups did when you were a kid, and now that you’re grown, it’s something you can do as well.

A bunch of us were talking about this the other day over drinks on the “patio” of our favorite weekday hang out. It was interesting to hear the number of people still afraid of profanity. They whisper the words. They don’t use it in front of their parents, even if their parents do. It’s like cursing has become the last hold out to adulthood and if we cling to it, we will never really be grown up. Well I have news for you- You are an adult, and while your parents will always see you as their little boy/girl, they also realize that you are 25, 28, 32, etc. You are an adult!!! It’s okay to say, “fuck”.

As you know, profanity is strongly frowned upon in the work place. This has lead to creative uses of common words as placeholders for what I really want to say. My favorites are:

Shiitake mushroom!
Merde!
Mercredi!
Donkey!
Nugget!
Snickle-fritz!
Frak!
Fudge!
Purple!
Frankenberry!
Biscuit!

The list goes on and on. I just realized how food heavy it was... huh. You have any good ones; I’d love to hear them. I am always looking to expand my explanations.

What’s worse is that I now say these words instead of the actual curse words even when I’m not at work. It’s hilarious!

“Did you just yell ‘biscuit’”?
“Why, yes, yes I did and I’ll mind you not to stare!”