Randomly Olympic

* Who watched the Opening Ceremonies last night?? I thought they were lovely. The inclusion of the aboriginal people, the quotes read by Donald Sutherland, the horrifying outfits worn by the German delegation. Very lovely. I was kind of bummed though that Cirque du Soleil didn't perform. They are certainly what I think of when I think about Quebec. Speaking of which, I don't remember seeing anything specifically French-Canadian. All they got was a fiddler in a canoe? Kinda unfair. Oh well... Now to go back about not caring about the Olympics.

* Speaking of what I'll be doing instead of watching the Olympics; I am very saddened by the BBC and Netflix. As you know, I have become totally geeky for "Hex"- Oh it's so good! The other night I finished the 1st season and was already anxious for more. When I went online to move season 2 up my queue I discovered it- Season 2 is not available. At all. For who knows how long. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe I could just buy it. NO!! It's not even out on DVD in the US. What the frak? This think came out in 2005. Get on the ball! Why would you release season 1 (in '07 mind you) and then not release the 2nd (and final!) season. Are you trying to make me cry? Well, it worked.

* Why are all warm climate countries with only 1 delegate in the winter Olympics all alpine skiers?

* Jimmy Fallon has been a bit hit or miss since taking over the Late Show. His interview style has evened out and he seems less nervous. Case in point: Robert is Bothered ; where Fallon as Robert Pattinson tells us what bothers him. No need to start at the beginning (I jumped in after catching the Valentine's skit on TV), just click on what ever looks best. I'll wait * I think I have an estrogen problem. I totally teared up last night while watching the ceremonies (the path that poor little torch too!). My friend Lauren pointed out this is happening to everyone. Either we're just getting older (= crying emotion) or it's because we're ladies. Now, I have only been accused of that last bit once and I don't think they were being complimentary. However, isn't there a pill or something I could take to turn this all off? I don't want to be a blubbering idiot or have to poke myself in the eye for a valid excuse as to why I'm getting misty. I only want to be a lady if I can walk around in "Mad Men" attire and smoke and drink indoors during the day.

* Jen's word of the day is: Falafel (nope, I have no idea why; that's why she picks them- no method to the madness)

* The only thing good about working on the weekends is NSFW viewing. No one sitting behind me to judge or be offended. Things like this , and this , and... oh I gotta find another one... this one !

* Did you watch "Robert is Bothered"? I know! Hilarious! "Get on the fuck train, and take off!"

* "It's like getting stabbed in the mouth... Mark it!"- Today was all about crab rangoon. I've been thinking about it for days. Unfortunately, it was basically fried cream cheese (where's the crab?!). The above statement came about after I dipped my bland egg roll into what turned out to be the most evil/awesome mustard I've ever eaten. My eyes welled up and all I could do was grimace and waft my hands in front of my face.

* My favorite comic of the week:

(Literally) Drowning in a flood of randomness:

* I am an atrocious speller. I spelled "before" as "befor" until Freshman year (thank you public education!). I think I inherited this from my father. He should be good at it- he helped support the family while playing Mr. Mom by writing freelance for magazines- however, he is not. He keeps a typed list next to the computer with all of his commonly misspelled words. Ever so often, one is added in blue or black ball point ink. After asking how to spell "definitely" for the umpteenth time, I decided to start one of my own. Here's what I have so far:

sarcasm

definitely

possibly

fascinating

inconvenience

preferably

convenient

chotchke/tchotchke

occasionally

furniture

premiere

opponent

apparently

I'm sure there are more, but I also forget that I've started this list. I am adding atrocious to it right now. What's funny is that even though it is well known I cannot spell, people ask me to spell words for them all the time and I usually can!

* Hey! Guy in blue Mustang! ATM's are for quick withdrawls, not for your regular banking. Quit it!

* On a similar note: What's up guy in chartreuse Mercedes? Really? You spent how much to ride around in Kermit's car? Same goes to you, chocolate brown Honda.

[side note: apparently I can spell "chartreuse"]

* My new obsession is Eli Roth. Man is he hilarious! There's a pretty good interview here although it is in need of some editing. His turn in "Inglourious Basterds" was great. While I don't always, or maybe usually, like his movies ("Cabin Fever" was pretty great, but I fell asleep during "Hostel". Still not sure how that happened, but I woke up to someone cutting a guys Achilles then fell right back asleep!). I also must support people who redesign film for Americans. I love the uproar over his movies! He has figured out how to mass market the kinds of back alley, city to city, cult slasher movies I loved from the 70's and 80's. It's amazing what better lighting and film stock can do. Before Roth (and Netflix for that matter), you had to order or search out independent video stores to find anything like this. You could also delve into books dubbed "splattercore" for obvious reasons. (See my love of Poppy Z. Brite from last Sunday). The point is, he's great. I can't wait to see how he turns sodomizing a turkey into a feature length film. Want more? He just joined Twitter .

*On a similar note: Dear Hollywood: Please stop remaking movies. What's the matter with you? I know there are "no original ideas" but come on, this is really pushing it. Here's a sampling of what's gotten me riled up: Harvey (quit it!), Fantastic Voyage (the fx still look good!), Clash of the Titans (I'm actually kind of into this one, the treatment looks new), Footloose, Short Circuit, The Thing (this has already been done twice and no one can out do Carpenter), The Neverending Story (seriously, I wish you wouldn't), Poltergeist, Logan's Run (uh, no!), Rosemary's Baby, Forbidden Planet (if they do anything to it like they did The Day the Earth Stood Still, I'm getting my hanky ready now), Barbarella, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Last Tango in Paris, Rashomon, 13, My Fair Lady, Yellow Submarine (now in 3D!), Suspiria, Children of the Corn (well, maybe this one could work), Dirty Dancing, Red Dawn (how can this be good w/o mullets?), Jesus Christ Superstar (seriously?), Straw Dogs (I was a bit peeved, but then they cast Alexander Skarsgard- forgiven), Robocop, Let the Right One In (proving once again American audiences can't or won't read. This movie just came out and did pretty well!), The Gate (um...yea, I'm not mad at this one either), An American Werewolf in London (quit it squared! Didn't you learn anything from An American Werewolf in Paris?). The list goes on and on and on. You want to remake something? Why don't you pick up a book and read! Maybe you'll find something you like there. I can't believe in the overflowing stack of spec's on your desk there is nothing good to make. I mean, someone keeps giving Eddie Murphy money! There seem to be a lot of horror movies in this mix. That doesn't bother me as much since having a bit more money could result in more gore, but it will be used on CG and I can't abide that. Want to know how to use extra cash wisely? Watch "Nightwatch" and then "Daywatch". You could learn a thing or two from the Russians.

* "Texas now has an official portal" Mark it! Not sure exactly what that means, but my good friend and co-worker Jennie just informed me.

* I just renewed my drivers license and I'm kinda stoked because I get to keep my picture. Not that there's much difference in my appearance when I was 21 and the photo was taken, and now save the hair.

I know it's kind of blurry, that's how my camera phone rolls, but you get the gist. Let the odd looks from bar tenders and bouncers continue!

*So, I was outside smoking and got to thinking: The scientist really need to get moving on The Jetson's technology asap. I'm not sure why this popped into my mind, probably something to do with me huddling under a tiny portico in the rain. I mean, think about how much easier our lives would be if we could travel in tubes and ride conveyor belts through the house that washed us, fed us, and probably burped us! I can't tell you how much I would appreciate the effort Scientists. Get to it!

It's Saturday, so let's be random:

So on my trip to Brehnam, Tx (land of the mythical BBQ), my friend Lauren and I had a major case of the fritzgiggles beginning around mile 185. We were following a truck that I thought advertized "blow crabs", and I said "What the hell are blow crabs"? Lauren cracked up and I realized the truck actually said "Slovek's", the name of the company. Thank you dyslexia! This is the same sort of thing that got me excited about visiting a pet store only to find out it was actually a hardware store.

Not 1 minute later, I pointed out a bale of hay (it's important on road trips to yell out the things you see while driving like "hay!" or "cow!" or "roadkill"! So, I yelled out "haybale", then saw a little bale next to it and said, "hay baby!". The giggles were officially on. Other signs of our insanity: Lauren almost driving us off the road while 'raising the roof', crying at obvious jokes, the words: Rau Rd. (seriously, how do you say this?), and almost driving us off the road while I did the 'sprinkler'. Go Ice Cream!

And now for something completely different:

*One of my ultimate fears (#27) is that a bird will shit on my and the odds are pretty good- about 20%- that it will happen. Our good friend shine has had the honor 3 times, so she's either the most lucky person I know, or she goes outside way too often!

*Overheard last night: "The balls are so big, I couldn't get them in my mouth!" That is one of the best "mark it" expressions I've heard in a while! Thank you Cheetos.

*The most exciting thing happened today! We were holding a vendor fair at work (which is not the exciting bit) and one of the residents was displaying her art. With her was a movie poster they were looking to unload. I casually said they could put it straight into my car, and they excepted!! I am now the proud owner of this:

I think it's going up in my kitchen!

*If you live in the Dallas area, WARNING: Do not patronize "Lost Society" bar on lower Greenville. The owner and staff are despicable, horrid people. Last week, a kid (and I mean kid, he was 17) almost died from alcohol poisoning and they did nothing. Not only did the serve a minor, but they served him in excess. When he was vomiting all over himself and others, another patron tried to call the police and was told not too. He almost died. Previously, a visitor to the bar got so intoxicated they wouldn't let him leave. I'm sure now your thinking, "Great! Finally doing something right", except you would be wrong. They just wanted him to not leave the bar partially unclothed. Once they found his shirt, they let him go. Several girls have been drugged there and one was almost kidnapped. This is disgusting. Come on TABC! Come on Police!! I don't care how much the owner is paying you, start doing your job! Tell all your friends: This bar is toxic and should be closed down. DO NOT GO THERE!!

*On a lighter note:

*And finally, I asked my friend Jennie for something random to include in this blog, flesh is out a bit as it were, and she came up with this gem: Potatoes grow in the ground. I think that says it all! Until tomorrow!

It's Saturday, So Let's be Random:

*Last night was the most fun I've had in a while (and I'm paying for it today)! A whole crew of us met at Bryan Street Tavern. My friend got attacked by mosquito's and I celebrated payday at the bottom of a Vodka Greyhound (seriously the best summertime drink). One of our favorite games to play is "Mark it!". It's very easy to play and once you start, you will not be able to stop. The rules are simple: whenever you or someone else says something that sounds dirty but wasn't meant to be, you yell "Mark it"! Easy and addictive. Here are some gems overheard last night:
"Tell her I got Off"
"I'm excited about eating meat product" -"I guess if it's sixteen inches" -"I've had one of those!"
"I've got the wood between my legs" (thanks shine)
"Meatless girls have to bump their crusts together"
Try it at your next night out and watch the double entendres abound!

*Also decided last night: I need a shirt that says "My Mom says I'm Klassy". It would be pink and the lettering airbrushed like the ones at the Fair.

*Proof of idiocy (thankfully not mine this time) overheard at bar: "It's in the book of life. That you get a stitches on your forehead". And no, that's not a typo.

*There was this awesome show on the National Geographic channel called "Drain the Ocean". basically, they used a computer program to remove water and show us what is in each layer of the ocean. The pace could have been quicker, but I discovered my new favorite animal. I want this bad boy tattooed on me immediately!

The Vampire Squid has got to be the coolest thing I've ever seen. All that awesomeness lies in only a 1 foot frame. They are propelled along with those adorable "ears" and are covered in photophores (which means they light up). I love it!!

*Megan Fox's face annoys me and I don't care who knows it.

*Also annoying, or maybe just weird, is Kat Von D's makeup on this season of L.A. Ink. What's up with the one black one blue eyeshadow? Seriously.

*I just want to nap.

*Why is Food Network obsessed and why do they call it offal? I assume because it rhymes with 'awful'? Funny to learn the word derives from German and means 'garbage'. I had the weirdest dream about offal. It seems every time I turn on a food show someone is talking about it or cooking it. I can't handle it anymore, so quit it!

*Whatever happened to Mira Sorvino?

* I am super serious when I say the scientists need to get working on The Jetson's technology.

That is all.