Sunday, August 30, 2009


Wow, we've finally come to the end of my Netflix list (otherwise known as U-Z Edition):

Vertigo (1958)- It is my belief that this is one of several movies people say they have seen, but in actuality, they have only seen the poster. Also on this list are several other Hitchcock movies (Rear Window being most popular), the Bond movies (with the exception of Daniel Craig), and Sherlock Holmes. Please, do yourself a favor and watch this. If you have seen it, it's probably been a while, so watch it again. It is genius. All I need to say is: Kim Novak (I want to be her when I grow up) and James Stewart. Enough said.

The Wackness (2008)- This movie made a splash on the festival scene (though I suspect it had as much to do with the star being a current Disney commodity playing against type as a drug dealer as much as it did the brilliance of the movie). That being said, its great. Ben Kinglsey is of course brilliant and the backdrop of 80's New York is priceless. It's like watching the birth of "wigger" culture without having to sit through a Jamie Kennedy movie.

What We Do is Secret (2007)- This movie is a labor of love for star Shane West (and yes, I know what you're thinking: What they hell does ex-Mandy Moore movie love interest/"er" stud have to tell ME about punk). The answer is: a lot. Based on the life of Germs front man Darby Crash, the movie takes us through the birth of modern punk- from high school to "fame" to death. It is spliced with interviews of Crash (as played by West) that were lifted from actual interviews. The music is raw and the approach to his sexuality is casual yet front and center. The bonus features on the disc make for good watching as well. Whether you are a fan or not of punk music, this true story of decline will have you hooked.

The Wind that Shakes the Barley (2006)- I realize that this movie may not be for most, but I cannot get enough of the Irish struggle for independence. I suspect it has something to do with my families own involvement, but this movie by British wunderkind Ken Loach starring Cillian Murphy, shows us a side of the conflict that we never see: What happened outside the cities, in the towns and villages across Ireland. The struggle for Irish freedom was famously fought in Dublin, but the heart of the war raged on in the fields. I loved it- it's quietness, the cinematography, everything.

Wristcutters (a love story) (2006)- This movie has become the new marker for how cool you are. If you've seen it: you are. If you haven't: well, get thee to a Blockbuster! The story is simple: boy commits suicide after he hears his girlfriend is dead, and travels to purgatory to find her. One the way, he picks up a crazy Russian and an even crazier girl. All the music is by Gogol Bordello (and from what I can figure, it is not on either of their 2 albums. I am mucho bummed by this). It's hilarious, it's about love and life and death. Seriously, it's funny too.

So, that ends my list. What have I left off? What movies do you love that feel like no one else has seen them, that are your little secret? I am always looking for suggestions. I'm not sure how I will follow this up. I like the idea of Sunday's being for list making...

On a final note, the worst movie I have ever seen (as told to me by my Netflix ratings) is:
Wow, I should have looked at how many 1 star movies I had. Perhaps that list is for another time.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

It's Saturday, so let's be random:

So on my trip to Brehnam, Tx (land of the mythical BBQ), my friend Lauren and I had a major case of the fritzgiggles beginning around mile 185. We were following a truck that I thought advertized "blow crabs", and I said "What the hell are blow crabs"? Lauren cracked up and I realized the truck actually said "Slovek's", the name of the company. Thank you dyslexia! This is the same sort of thing that got me excited about visiting a pet store only to find out it was actually a hardware store.

Not 1 minute later, I pointed out a bale of hay (it's important on road trips to yell out the things you see while driving like "hay!" or "cow!" or "roadkill"! So, I yelled out "haybale", then saw a little bale next to it and said, "hay baby!". The giggles were officially on. Other signs of our insanity: Lauren almost driving us off the road while 'raising the roof', crying at obvious jokes, the words: Rau Rd. (seriously, how do you say this?), and almost driving us off the road while I did the 'sprinkler'. Go Ice Cream!

And now for something completely different:

*One of my ultimate fears (#27) is that a bird will shit on my and the odds are pretty good- about 20%- that it will happen. Our good friend shine has had the honor 3 times, so she's either the most lucky person I know, or she goes outside way too often!

*Overheard last night: "The balls are so big, I couldn't get them in my mouth!" That is one of the best "mark it" expressions I've heard in a while! Thank you Cheetos.

*The most exciting thing happened today! We were holding a vendor fair at work (which is not the exciting bit) and one of the residents was displaying her art. With her was a movie poster they were looking to unload. I casually said they could put it straight into my car, and they excepted!! I am now the proud owner of this:

I think it's going up in my kitchen!

*If you live in the Dallas area, WARNING: Do not patronize "Lost Society" bar on lower Greenville. The owner and staff are despicable, horrid people. Last week, a kid (and I mean kid, he was 17) almost died from alcohol poisoning and they did nothing. Not only did the serve a minor, but they served him in excess. When he was vomiting all over himself and others, another patron tried to call the police and was told not too. He almost died. Previously, a visitor to the bar got so intoxicated they wouldn't let him leave. I'm sure now your thinking, "Great! Finally doing something right", except you would be wrong. They just wanted him to not leave the bar partially unclothed. Once they found his shirt, they let him go. Several girls have been drugged there and one was almost kidnapped. This is disgusting. Come on TABC! Come on Police!! I don't care how much the owner is paying you, start doing your job! Tell all your friends: This bar is toxic and should be closed down. DO NOT GO THERE!!

*On a lighter note:

*And finally, I asked my friend Jennie for something random to include in this blog, flesh is out a bit as it were, and she came up with this gem: Potatoes grow in the ground. I think that says it all! Until tomorrow!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Things that annoy me #32

It annoys me- these “generational designations”. Gen X, Gen Y, Gen Whatever. Depending on whom you read, Gen X’ers are defined as being born between 1977-1981 (though most seem to end at 1980), most often to Baby Boomer parents (though that seems to be often left out).

By most standards, I am considered Gen Y (whatever), but I don’t feel Gen Y- privileged, capitalistic, competitive. My pop cultural references are not those of Gen Y. I admired John Hughes and was (neigh AM) in love with John Cusack. I remember watching MTV at 4 years of age and singing ‘Love is an Elevator” at the top of my lungs. Remember when MTV played music? We joke, but I do- vividly. What ever happened to Matt Pinfield anyhow? Needless to say, my parents were thrilled. I watched “Save By the Bell” followed by “Black Adder” or “Red Dwarf”. I know where I was when Kurt Cobain died. My favorite bands were (sometimes still are) Duran Duran (for reals! Seen them twice in concert), The Cure, Belly, Soundgarden. My parents were baby Boomers and I their lazy offspring.

This difference could not be better illustrated than in the differences between my sister and myself. Born just 15 months apart (Irish twins!!), we couldn’t be more different. While many of her references are mine as well, they were most certainly learned from me. Sure, she liked Alice in Chains, but she’s really a Pedro the Lion kinda gal. Yes, “Reality Bites” is one of our favorite movies (or at least mine), but I was Vickie character (Janeane Garofalo), she only played at her during summers home from college. Hell! She went to college. I went to work. She is striving towards a career. I merely hold a job. She has never known depression (not in the clinical sense at least).

[side note: I don’t know why I identify that as not being a Gen Y problem but I do. I’m sure there are plenty of 20-year olds bummed about something, but I’m old and I don’t care]

She sees the world as half full. She’s vegetarian for christsake! She embodies everything I think about the Gen Y generation with less of the Mommy/Daddy complex- thank god.
The worst insult anyone has ever given me is accusing me of not knowing what I’m talking about (see rant above).
“You can’t possibly remember that!”
“You’re just a baby!”

This got under my skin again recently while I was reading Chuck Klosterman. How dare you imply that “Saved by the Bell” was a Gen X only show. Uh… I watched it too. And what’s more, I wasn’t a grown man doing it; I was a teen (for whom the show was designed!). What kind of 20 something sits around watching Saturday morning programming in anything other than an ironic fashion?

I will say this now and I suggest you and all your neigh saying buddies take heed:
I’m sure it makes you feel better, perhaps it helps you feel younger; to belittle or disbelieve my memories, my feelings, and my life; but you’re making a fool of yourself. Quit it! I saw “Rocky Horror” when I was 5. Caligula and Glory when I was 8. My father bought me “Appetite for Distriction” when it came out. (PS- my Dad is probably cooler than your Dad. Perhaps that’s why you act this way). My favorite song when I was little was “Karma Chameleon” and I knew all the words. I heart “Labyrinth”, and “The Neverending Story”, and “The Boy Who Could Fly”. Try me. Test me. I dare you. I’m 37 in a 27-year-old body. What’s worse, I always felt mature but now I just feel prematurely old. I blame you.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

We eat all we can....

What a fun filled and exciting weekend. It all began Friday with a small gathering at my friend's @Nibbles22 for her Bon Voyage. She is leaving us for sunny Miami and I could not be more excited for her unless she were going somewhere with less heat and sun. Her mother made the most amazing Lebanese feast. The next day, there was a pool party where I missed shineoutloud , but did get to hang with @gaveupthefight, @NatalieCottrell, and more. It was a lot of fun, though I probably enjoyed hanging out with my girl E's sister's English Mastiffs. How can you not love something that outweighs you by 50 lbs?

Tuesday, my friend Lauren and I drove to Brenham, TX to visit the Blue Bell factory. What a lot of fun. We kept getting the fritzgiggles and she almost ran us off the road at least 3 times. I will have more to say on the actual car portion of our trip Saturday. Needless to say we were both excited. All we could think about was free ice cream and getting some BBQ while we were in the hill country.

* Here I am in a kicky paper hat waiting for the tour video to begin*

The tour itself is okay. Our hostess was friendly and pointed out all the machines quite well. It kinda sucks though, because you cannot take pictures on the tour. Something about respecting their workers- whatever! Have you ever seen how they make ice cream sandwiches? It's awesome, yet there will be not evidence of that on this blog. Bummer. We did take lots of pictures outside and I'll try to post the funniest ones later.

For the criticism: I thought it was very nice and clever to offer a handout on where to eat while in Brenham in the gift shop. Yea, address to plug into the Garmin! Problem is, there were only 3 BBQ places listed (I thought someone said they knew how to do BBQ there?). One of them was only open Sundays (odd since the factory is only open Monday-Friday), so it was out. I asked our tour guide which she would recommend and I should have known something was wrong when she couldn't figure out which of the 2 to pick. She finally picked the 1st one and we were off. Problem is, it isn't really a BBQ joint so much as it's a Shell gas station with a BBQ counter. A bit odd, we thought. No problems, we'll try the next one. When we found it, however, it was clear it had been closed for quite a while (no doubt due to the health inspector). Bummer squared. Typing BBQ into the Garmin (really not it's fault- I still love those devices), the only BBQ that came up was 30 miles away (basically College Station or Austin). Not helpful. Surely, there will be somewhere on the way back to the highway.

No. There was not.

So, we stopped at Woody's for a 2nd time (can never have too much jerky from the "jerky capital of the world" since we kinda remembered they had BBQ as well. Well, they do and they don't, but at this point we had to eat something or we were going to turn feral and eat a limb. If you can see where this story is now leading, you will no doubt of guessed that i got horribly ill from it. Yea!

Oh well... Still a lot of fun. Next time: Shiner!!

Sunday, August 23, 2009


Well, my weekend has been hectic, hence I didn't even realize I forgot to post randomness yesterday! Oh well, I'll include a couple of things at the end. Now, on to what Sunday is all about:

Q- T Edition

Reds (1981)- Warren Beatty directed and stars in this film about real-life writer John Reed and his involvement with the Bolshevik Rebellion. Epic film about what it means to be American, the struggle for rights, and the rise of the Socialist party in Russia. Also starring Diane Keaton. Won Beatty a Best Director Oscar.

The Salton Sea (2002)- Val Kilmer is a meth head in LA with a scheme only other meth heads would love: Steal some famous shit. Hilarious movie with great performances by Kilmer, Vincent D'Onofrio, and Adam Goldberg especially.

Session 9 (2001)- One of my all time favorite movies!!! "Session 9" follows a demolition crew clearing out an abandoned asylum before it is torn down. Needless to say, creepy stuff happens! What's brilliant about this movie, is the very low-fi approach the director takes as well as the fine writing and acting. It will scary the bejesus out of you!

Sliding Doors (1998)- say what you will about Gwyneth Paltrow, but she has made some lovely small films. This one stars her as a London woman who's life splits apart after an accident- literally. We follow both threads to see what would have happened and are left wondering and hoping to discover what has happened. I really like this movie, and her accent doesn't bother me as much as I would have expected. A great light-hearted romp when your in the mood for a romantic comedy but don't want to feel stupider after watching.

The Sweet Hereafter (1997)- I love Atom Egoyan! You cannot go wrong with any of his films, but this, arguably one of his better known, is a great introduction to this brilliant Armenian-Canadian director. This story is simple: a bus full of students skids of the road one icy day. Who's at fault? The answer isn't so simple. Ian Holm is a genius and this movie introduced the world to Sarah Polley. A downer for sure, but well worth the trip.

The Thing Called Love (1993)- Samantha Mathis (where has she been?) and River Phoenix star in this dramady about life, dreams, and country music- but not in the way you might be thinking. In the hands of director Peter Bogdanovich, it is smart, funny, and easy to watch. I love a young Sandra Bullock as Linda Lou- the lost soul and daft friend of Mathis. Phoenix is of course riveting and the performance is saddened by his death shortly after. It's almost as if you can sense it in his eyes. Love!

Now for the Randomness:

I'll keep it in the same vein as Sunday posts are supposed to be and talk about the 2 films I saw this week: "District 9" and "Inglourious Basterds". I loved both movies and suggest you run, don't walk, to them as soon as possible. I won't get into them too much, there are plenty of stories and info out on them. "District 9" shows what creativity and ingenuity can do that no money in the world can (I'm looking at you James Cameron!)- entertain the masses and prove that sometimes (I'd hazard to guess most times) simple FX are the most effective.

As for "Inglourious Basterds"- if you don't like Tarantino films, you may like this one although I doubt it. It is a film he could never have made 10 years ago when he first started talking about it. He needed the experience of "Jackie Brown" and "Kill Bill I & II" to get his storytelling to the level it needed to be. I love everyone in it and anyone who says otherwise is simply wrong. I'm sorry, but you will never convince me otherwise. I can't wait to own it and see it again!

PS- Catchphrase is the greatest game ever invented. There is nothing better than sitting around outside, drinking Mojito's and yelling at the top of your lungs.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Just a quick note...

So, my allergies have been acting like fools lately and will not submit to the legions of over the counter remedies I have presented them. Claratin- no go. Zyrtec- not on my watch! I've been unable to breath comfortably for weeks and I think I had a sinus infection but I pretty much ignored it and now I think it's gone away. Cross fingers.

Yesterday I was brilliant and took some new Sudafed I bought special. Why did I still feel like crap? I thought I had a fever at one point and went home to lie down. My bathroom closet looks like a meth lab post raid, and I collected all the drugs I could find and spread them out on my coffee table. I called my Mom to bitch and moan and she saved the day as only Mom's can. basically, I'm an idiot. When your nose is running and snot is collecting in your throat, the last thing you want is an expectorant or decongestant. Guess what? That's all I had! I'd been making myself worse. She suggested I take the ONE Benadryl I had then go buy more. Oh what a happy day it has been at work today! I have never had a reaction to a drug like this before (or I should say nothing legal and without prescription). Speech came out through gauze, my fingers and arms tingled with delight, I ran into a wall at one point. I also called my own office looking for a client. Just more proof of my genius. My brain is not working- still.

To wrap it up, I presented my plight on facebook where my cousin responded:

"If only you knew someone in the field of pharmacy..."

PS- he's a pharmacist.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

So You Think I Talk Funny...

I’ve mentioned previously how much I enjoy profanity- using it, hearing creative uses of it, collecting new phrases, everything. Maybe I was a pirate in a previous life or simply because I was raised by a Navy man and it’s in my blood, I don’t know. There’s something about it. It’s bad. You’re not supposed to do it, but it doesn’t hurt anyone. It’s something grown-ups did when you were a kid, and now that you’re grown, it’s something you can do as well.

A bunch of us were talking about this the other day over drinks on the “patio” of our favorite weekday hang out. It was interesting to hear the number of people still afraid of profanity. They whisper the words. They don’t use it in front of their parents, even if their parents do. It’s like cursing has become the last hold out to adulthood and if we cling to it, we will never really be grown up. Well I have news for you- You are an adult, and while your parents will always see you as their little boy/girl, they also realize that you are 25, 28, 32, etc. You are an adult!!! It’s okay to say, “fuck”.

As you know, profanity is strongly frowned upon in the work place. This has lead to creative uses of common words as placeholders for what I really want to say. My favorites are:

Shiitake mushroom!

The list goes on and on. I just realized how food heavy it was... huh. You have any good ones; I’d love to hear them. I am always looking to expand my explanations.

What’s worse is that I now say these words instead of the actual curse words even when I’m not at work. It’s hilarious!

“Did you just yell ‘biscuit’”?
“Why, yes, yes I did and I’ll mind you not to stare!”

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

"Let's hug it out Bitch"

I’m not much of a hugger anymore. I prefer the standard wave or perhaps the shoulder grab. Certainly there are people I hug- my friend Paul comes to mind. I can’t enter the room without him assaulting me or demanding I hug him. It’s cute really. The thing is, I’d kinda like to stop it there most of the time, but because we hugged, now others feel they are owed the honor. My aversion to hugging was recently called out and I had to think of how to respond. There are several reasons why I may not hug you:

1. I don’t know you.
2. I would classify our relationship as “acquaintances” rather than friends. The only acquaintances I may hug are related to me (and even then…)
3. Your personal hygiene is in question
4. My personal hygiene is in question
5. I don’t like you
6. I have a crush on you
7. I’m with someone of the opposite sex (that means a date) and I don’t want to confuse them.
8. I’m on a date with you and am confused myself as to how to end it so I’ll probably end up waving at you like the genius I am.

What I don’t understand most is this entitlement that people/we feel towards the actions of others. I don’t have to hug you. I don’t have to invite you to everything I do. I don’t have to and it shouldn’t bother you that I haven’t. Certainly, if you are the only one being left out, that would be mean or you fall into the #5 category. I would never do that. But I don’t like feeling obliged.

It’s like mandatory volunteerism that I spoke about recently with a friend. It’s not that I don’t like volunteering (or it is, can’t I just make a donation?); it’s more that I don’t like being told I have to do it. Unless you are a judge and I’m in trouble, keep it to yourself. If you want me to volunteer because it’s important to you or to the company I work for, fine. Just let me pick my own activity and schedule because, I don’t want to hang out with my boss. She’s a lovely woman and we have work happy hours and dinners sometimes and they’re great. But, she’s my boss, not my friend, and I don’t hug her either.

It all comes back to this social stigma I’ve spoken about before. I prefer to do a lot of things on my own and often by myself. Hugging is a physical connection and one that is reserved for those whom I want to touch. That may or may not include you and that’s fine. I don’t expect you to hug me (unless your Paul and then get over here!) if it is not something we normally do. And if it’s not, it is up to me to determine when and if we ever will. You are free to try to hug me, I am free to stand awkwardly praying for it to end.

Sunday, August 16, 2009


J-P Edition

Jules et Jim (1962)- My favorite French film by Truffaut tells the story of a love triangle between Jules and Jim over Catherine (Jeanne Moreau). It is the definition of New Wave complete with ludicrous situations and camera angles. A must, especially now that it is available on Criterion.

The Limey (1999)- Terrance Stamp stars as a former thief tracking down his daughters’ killer. There is something magic about Terrance Stamp and Steven Soderbergh brings out the best of his actors. The flashbacks to a younger Mr. Stamp are from one of his first films, “Poor Cow”, and are further evidence of the director’s genius. Not a feel good movie, so open a bottle of wine and hunker down.

London (2005)- It took me a while to get around to watching this movie (it stars Jessica Biel after all) but boy was I glad I did. It’s a twisted love story about the one that got away and takes place all in one night in one apartment. Great acting and writing from all involved.

Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle (1994)- I love Dorothy Parker. Look her up. Her sardonic wit was legendary as was the company she kept. This bio of her mid life stars Jennifer Jason Leigh (of course) and is wonderful. Very Altman-esque with a who’s who of actors. Look for Jon Favreau in a small role.

Nightwatch (2005)/Daywatch- greatest Russian movie of all time (and the 2 highest grossing). The Nightwatch patrols Moscow and regulates all the “dark ones”- vampires, werewolves, witches; while the Daywatch patrols the “light others”- shapeshifters, magicians, etc. Some of the best effects and action sequences I’ve ever seen. The dubbed version is pretty good (the director did it himself), but the subtitles are sublime, weaving in and out of the frame keeping your eye on the action.
The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie (1969)- stars a very young Maggie Smith in her Oscar nominated role. She is a teacher at an all girls school and the mayhem continues from there. Jealousy, young love, and anger all play roles in this delicious film.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

It's Saturday, So Let's be Random:

*Last night was the most fun I've had in a while (and I'm paying for it today)! A whole crew of us met at Bryan Street Tavern. My friend got attacked by mosquito's and I celebrated payday at the bottom of a Vodka Greyhound (seriously the best summertime drink). One of our favorite games to play is "Mark it!". It's very easy to play and once you start, you will not be able to stop. The rules are simple: whenever you or someone else says something that sounds dirty but wasn't meant to be, you yell "Mark it"! Easy and addictive. Here are some gems overheard last night:
"Tell her I got Off"
"I'm excited about eating meat product" -"I guess if it's sixteen inches" -"I've had one of those!"
"I've got the wood between my legs" (thanks shine)
"Meatless girls have to bump their crusts together"
Try it at your next night out and watch the double entendres abound!

*Also decided last night: I need a shirt that says "My Mom says I'm Klassy". It would be pink and the lettering airbrushed like the ones at the Fair.

*Proof of idiocy (thankfully not mine this time) overheard at bar: "It's in the book of life. That you get a stitches on your forehead". And no, that's not a typo.

*There was this awesome show on the National Geographic channel called "Drain the Ocean". basically, they used a computer program to remove water and show us what is in each layer of the ocean. The pace could have been quicker, but I discovered my new favorite animal. I want this bad boy tattooed on me immediately!

The Vampire Squid has got to be the coolest thing I've ever seen. All that awesomeness lies in only a 1 foot frame. They are propelled along with those adorable "ears" and are covered in photophores (which means they light up). I love it!!

*Megan Fox's face annoys me and I don't care who knows it.

*Also annoying, or maybe just weird, is Kat Von D's makeup on this season of L.A. Ink. What's up with the one black one blue eyeshadow? Seriously.

*I just want to nap.

*Why is Food Network obsessed and why do they call it offal? I assume because it rhymes with 'awful'? Funny to learn the word derives from German and means 'garbage'. I had the weirdest dream about offal. It seems every time I turn on a food show someone is talking about it or cooking it. I can't handle it anymore, so quit it!

*Whatever happened to Mira Sorvino?

* I am super serious when I say the scientists need to get working on The Jetson's technology.

That is all.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

A Place for Everything and Everything in it's place

Symptoms of Type A Behavior:
1. An intrinsic insecurity or insufficient level of self-esteem, which is considered to be the root cause of the syndrome. This is believed to be covert and therefore less observable.
2. Time urgency and impatience, which causes irritation and exasperation.
3. Free floating hostility, which can be triggered by even minor incidents.

Maybe I’m not crazy or a bitch, it’s just my Type A acting up. I wonder if I can get away with that excuse.

“Sorry I ran into you, I didn’t see you there. It’s my Type A”.
“I would love to help you, but I can’t with my Type A”
“That’s a very flattering offer, thank you. However, I must decline due to my Type A wanting to flick you in the nose”.

I always thought of myself as “Type A” at work. My desk is an exemplar of organization. Everything is organized and stacked neatly. I’m a little ashamed to say if something is slightly off or if it’s been moved I get very distressed. At home, I’m not nearly as clean and organized, although my piles of junk are also stacked neatly and I know where everything is. I always thought “type A personality” simply meant that you were neat and organized. That you enjoyed the art of list making and checking things off said list. I had no idea it lent itself to so much more. Reading what Wikipedia says about it (listed above), I was surprised to see so many more of my everyday personality traits explained.

1. I don’t think I’m overtly insecure or have low-self esteem. Of course, we all have things we are self conscious of. My level of laziness and disdain for household chores has prevented me from entertaining company. I often joke that I clean my apartment once a year, right before my birthday since I know I’ll have company, but it’s true. Until November, I don’t even like hanging out there for too long.

2. Urgency, Impatience, irritation, exasperation. The site also lists “highly competitive, ambitions, and difficulty relaxing. Yea, that’s pretty much me. It has gotten harder and harder to cover my irritation with people. I love the line, “I hate people, but I love gatherings” (brownie points for naming that movie), and it sums me up pretty well. I don’t like being alone all the time and prefer going out to staying in, however, the level of stupidity and “laissez-faire” attitude I encounter when I go out drives me crazy. See also: previous post about beating people up. I’m an angry driver. I want to stab most of the people I meet in bars. I hate people who ask questions without waiting to see if it’s answered (most commonly found at the movies and in work seminars and trainings). Just be patient! All will be revealed.

3. Free floating hostility from minor incidents? Yea, I think I covered that.

I wonder if there’s anything I can do to correct this behaviour, or if there is, if I would even want to. These little bits form my personality, make me who I am. It’s like in High School when I took Prozac (come on, who hasn’t these days?) and it made me more disinterested in the world. What if I were nicer, more calm, relaxed? Would anyone even recognize me? Would I recognize myself?
I can’t wait to drop my “Type A” handicap on the next sad sack who pisses me off. On a scale of hilarity, I hope it’s a 10.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

How to Fail at Life without Really Trying...

I spent the last few days sitting on my ass watching recorded Food Network shows (how am I just noticing how large Giada’s head is?). There is nothing more depressing than having two days to kill and no money to hire the assassin. I have $3 ‘til Friday and I’m going to run out of smokes and probably gas before then. In the small favors department, at least I don’t live too far from work and the weather has only been in the upper 90’s so I guess it wouldn’t be so bad to walk (I would stab myself now but I’m pretty sure they clock you out of work to take you to emergency).

Here are a couple things that occurred to me over my days off:

*Why can’t you sell plasma anymore? Don’t they know there are junkies and horrible checkbook balancers out there that need cash? How much can I get for an in demand hardcover book at Half Price? Enough for smokes? I hope so; ‘cuz if not I just wasted what gas I have left.

*Driving through Murderville on my way home I saw a woman playing with her kid on the side of the road. This would not be disturbing except it was 1130 at night and she was literally playing with him on the side of the road, the curb to be exact. Hey lady! Rolling your kid on the curb in the middle of the night in the ghetto is not smart! (Or very smart depending on how you feel about kids and/or natural selection).

Finally, my ode to box wine:

Yes, you heard me right. Box Wine.

In my day, box wine meant Franzia, which meant disgusting. I remember the laughs when my aunt served it at her wedding (actually not surprising). It was the kind of thing people bought to make punch or supplement dinner parties. Not something you would actually want or admit to drinking. I’m not sure when it happened (perhaps the success of Kathy Griffin’s “My Life on the D List” and her mother’s insatiable thirst for all things served in a box), but box wine has made a resurgence; gone through a renaissance if you will. They could not be any more different than the big white box.

At my grocery store, the Franzia is kept on the opposite side of the aisle from the new box wines, the couture boxes if you will. In a fit of boredom and lack of funds, I recently purchased a box of “Boti Box Wine”. What drew me to this particular brand (for I stood in that aisle looking at all the pretty boxes for at least 7 minutes) was that it was green. A “green” box of wine (aren’t all cardboard boxes of wine recyclable? Is this just marketing?). The box was made of recycled paper, the inside pouch was recyclable, I think even the wine was organic. Anyway, at $17.99 for the equivalent of 3 bottles I was sold. To my delight, it wasn’t so bad. I’m not going to blow smoke at you and say it was one of the best wines I’ve had, it wasn’t. What it was, was the right price and not disgusting. The quality speaks to other econo-lines like Little Penguin, Alice White, whatever’s $5 at Whole Foods, slightly better than 3-buck chuck. At about $4 a bottle, it was the cheapest as well. I bought the Shiraz twice!

I’ve tried a couple other brands, Fish Eye (not so much and I’m pretty sure they cheat you out of some wine and the spout sucks), and Black Box (also nice but the much smaller size of the box makes me nervous).

I feel ashamed and partially disgusted in myself but I’m not sure I can stop. It just fits so well into my nightly ritual of bad TV/movies and a glass of wine. Now it won’t go bad and ruin my good time! I’m not done with bottles though. Sometimes the night calls for something better (although still well under $10); but, for the nights that call for okay (and in the privacy of your home), you could do worse than a box o’wine.

Sunday, August 9, 2009


The E-I Edition

Eddie Izzard (Dressed to Kill)- A comic genius, “active transvestite” Eddie Izzard makes smart comedy for everyday people. I have seen all of his stand up, so I suggest you begin with his HBO special “Dressed to Kill”. He covers History with everything from Stonehenge to Hitler, sometimes en Francais!

The Edge of Love (2008)- Really lovely movie about Dylan Thomas starring Keira Knightly (I know, I can’t believe I recommend this one as well) and Sienna Miller (truly a gifted and talented actor). The film centers around the love quadrangle between Thomas, his wife, his first love, and her new husband during WWII. Beautifully shot. PS- Keira does all her own singing and it’s magnificent.

Equilibrium (2002)- Christian Bale and Taye Diggs star in this Brave New World/Catch-22 homage to a world without emotion, and heavily monitored by the government. Awesome fight scenes (what’s up samurai swords) and twists you will not see coming. A must for Sci-Fi nerds like myself.

EXistenZe (1999)- Have I mentioned yet that David Cronenberg is a genius? No? Well he is. Take this brilliant film starring Jennifer Jason Leigh (most gifted and underused actress in Hollywood. PS- did you see her on “Weeds”? Awesome) and Jude Law. Leigh is a game designer who has come up with the latest in virtual reality. The lines between real and fantasy blur (as they are wont to do in these types of movies) but the end will keep you guessing. Great dialog as well. One of my FAVORITE movies of all time!!

The Fall (2006)- Remember “Pushing Daisies”? That quirky little show on Fox and it’s dreamy star Lee Pace? Get your fix with this stunning film by Tarsem. What’s the movie about? Um…. I’m going to say storytelling, not really sure. However, this movie is one of the most beautifully shot and composed films I’ve ever seen. Colour just POPS out at you and you are lost in this fantasy world. The real reason this movie makes my list are the special features. I love them (special features that is). The film took forever to make, falling in and out of financing, in and out of actor availability, but the dedication of the filmmaker, the cast (Lee Pace the 1st choice and long time advocate for the movie), and everyone involved is really inspiring.

Ginger Snaps (2000)- Werewolves? Check. Adolescent teen angst? Check. Honest portraits of young women and sisterhood? You betcha. This movie is hilarious and awesome. Sometimes it’s best not to trust a movie by it’s cover. I thought this looked dumb until my father made me watch it. Thank you thank you thank you! Two sequels follow (one better than the other), but two “hips” for Canada!

Hard Eight (1996)- is the first film by critics darling Paul Thomas Anderson (of Magnolia and Boogie Nights fame). It stars John C. Reilly (the first time I remember really seeing him in a film) as a sad sack indebted to card shark Philip Baker Hall (genius. Seriously, put his movies on your Netflix). Gwenyth Paltrow also stars as a hooker who attracts Reilly’s attention but can barely take care of herself. This is not a happy fun movie. It is a bottle of wine dark room movie. That being said, it is one of the best first films I’ve ever seen.

The Hunger (1983)- two words: Susan Sarandon- Catherine Denueve kiss. Oh, and David Bowie’s in it as well. One of my favorite Vampire movies of all time.

Immortal Beloved (1994)- I love Beethoven. Seriously. Love him. So how could I not love a movie based on his life and many loves starring Gary Oldman (divine)!

Innocent Blood (1992)- John Landis used to make brilliantly funny horror movies. This one stars French beauty Anne Parillaud (of Le Femme Nikita fame) as a vampire being stalked by Anthony LaPaglia (poor dear, I can only think of “So I Married an Axe Murderer” whenever I see him). Anne is hungry for Italian and angers the mob. Hilarious w/great FX.
Have you noticed the number of horror/sci-fi movies that begin with E, F, G, H, and I? Weird.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

It's Saturday, So Let's Swim in a Sea of Randomness:

Dear Tyler Florence: I love your recipes, but if you say “what we’re gonna do” one more time I’m going to poke you with your own whisk!

Teasers during shows make me crazy. I’m sure they bug you as well, but Bravo has taken it to the breaking point. Do they really think that blocking half the screen with Real Housewives thought bubbles is helping? I know I’m not watching rocket science on Bravo, but still, if I wanted Kathy Griffins face obscured but bouncing oranges I’d do it myself. A big “QUIT IT” to Bravo!

Why do refrigerators have lights in them but not freezers? Is it to discourage me from eating sorbet at 2 AM?

Wednesday, I watched my first episode of Hell’s Kitchen in forever. I couldn’t believe the double entendres (Mark It!), and they weren’t even trying! Let me explain a bit first. My friends came up with the “mark it” game about a month or so ago. It’s very simple to play, and once you do, you will be unable to stop. Basically, anytime someone says something that sounds dirty but wasn’t meant to be, you say “mark it”. Everyone laughs. Lots of fun. Example: “It goes in the front and squirts out the back (Hunt for Red October).” Anyway, thank god I had my notebook out during the show. I had 7 hash marks before we’d even hit the half way part! Who knew this show was so dirty? I thought it was just crass! On a related note, if you have BBC America, then you must watch “The “F” Word”. I love Gordon Ramsey and this is my favorite cooking show on TV. Every week, he has a different group of amateur/home-cooks work the kitchen. It’s so cute to see them try to remember the menu. The point of this challenge is to get as many patrons as possible to pay for their dinner (“If they don’t like it, they don’t pay for it”). The show also shows Gordon traveling around the UK, and now America, in search of food (catfish, wild hog, puffins, oh my!). He also shows people how to cook a quick and nutritious meal at home, often based on their favorite take away. On top of all that, every season he raises a different animal in his backyard then serves it in the restaurant (sorry vegetarians and members of PETA). It’s great to see him interact with his family and a bunch of turkeys, sheep, or hogs. He even cried last year when he took the pigs to slaughter. So, watch “The “F” Word” and listen out for “mark it” opportunities.

Know what happens when you assume? I miss out on cupcakes! Not cool! It was my boss’s birthday earlier this week and they got cupcakes to celebrate. Thankfully, they did this on a day when I was off. No need making sure everyone on staff (all 10 of us) is there. Don’t even worry about telling everyone. If they want to come, they’ll feel it in their bones. Okay, this is a bit harsh and I apologize; but I LOVE cupcakes! I keep a running list of everywhere I’ve had cupcakes and rank them. #1 cupcakes so far: Magnolia Bakery in NYC. I wanted to rub their red velvet all over my face it was so delicious. #2: Society Bakery in Dallas. Their generous icing to cupcake ratio really is king.

I saw a sneak peak of “Julie & Julia” Thursday. It was hilarious! Also want to send a shout out to Whole Foods for sponsoring it and for my new free totes. I never knew I needed a wine tote, but it’s perfect for schlepping a change of clothes and heels with me if I’m going out after work. I love those reusable bags (and the fact that I have 7 and only paid for 1) but they are ruining my life a little bit. I’ve been collecting plastic bags in a handy yet stylish IKEA bad organizer since the dawn of time. Since switching to the cloth bags, I’m almost out of the plastic ones (which I understand is the point), but what am I supposed to use for the tiny waste paper basket in the bathroom?

Final note: Here are some pics you may or may not enjoy:

Friday, August 7, 2009

Don't angry people live forever?

It's always been my theory that angry, depressed people live forever, perhaps as some type of punishment or perhaps because they have it figured out. Look at Dorothy Parker (love her!!). She was miserable, spoke her mind, made enemies, drank too much, smoked too much, and was a genius! I hope I'm not missing something in this equation or I've been wasting time being miserable.
It's like vampires (which I will not talk about here or probably anywhere. I love them, but they are overexposed). What I will say is, I always wanted to be one and live forever. My father and I have a pact that whoever gets turned first must immediately find the other and turn them as well. We then have a list of people who have asked us to "do them" as well or leave them the hell alone. Anyway, yelling "Louis come get me!" into the night sky hasn't yielded any results so I must find alternate means.

Which brings me to the cranky and miserable. It's always miserable old people. I'm sure I've met some fun, happy members of the elderly community, but they had nothing on their vintage cousins. Remember that Monty Python skit with the granny gang? (No, you say? SHAME!) In it, a frail old lady would wait to cross the street and when a nice young man came to help her, her equally old friends would run out from their hiding spots and beat him senseless, stealing his wallet. I loved it. My sister says I'll be the leader of a granny gang when I'm older and I couldn't be more tickled. Applications for membership welcome.

With all the thought I've put into this, I could have probably figured out tons of ways to live happily and reach all my goals! I'm keeping my fingers crossed. The only thing left is to grow old and see what happens. I've got the vices down pat!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

My first award and I didn't even know I was nominated!

So my lovely friend over at Shine Out Loud sent me the Honest Scrap award! Thanks a bunch!

I think it's worth pointing out here, in the interest of honesty, that it took me days to figure out how to repost it to my blog. My brain just doesn't seem to be working properly anymore.

The rules seem unclear, but I think I will follow Mysterg with a few exceptions:

1.“The Honest Scrap” award is not one to hold all to your self but it must be shared!

2. The recipient has to tell 10 true things about themselves in their blog that no one else knows.

3. The recipient has to pass along this prestigious award on to more bloggers.

4. Those bloggers all have to be notified they have been given this award.

5. Those bloggers should link back to the blog that awarded them.

(I wish I knew 10 blogs, but I'm new at this, bear with me).

10 "True" Things:

(I mean, what is truth anyway?)

1. I'm pretty sure my cat Yuli is trying to kill me or himself. The other day I came home from work to discover the gas on from my stove. I wish I could say this was the 1st time, unfortunately it was not. I love my kitty, however, if he doesn't clean up his act soon, I will be forced to accept it!

2. I once hit my sister in the head with a hammer. We were little, and I'm pretty sure I was trying to make her into something else.

3. I love lying, but have a real problem with it as well. Maybe the word "lying" is a little harsh. Let's change it "colourful storytelling". Once, in elementary, I convinced everyone in my class we had gotten a dog. I don't know why I did it. Maybe because I didn't have anything for show and tell. The worse part was when my friend came over one day and wanted to play with the dog. I had to tell him the dog was dangerous and locked up. He seemed pretty bummed. Anyhoo, If you ask my opinion- I will tell you! I'm not very good at softening the blow either, so ask at your own risk.

4. There is a life sized cardboard cut out of me in my high school gym. I was one the drill team (its a short jump from dancing at football fields to tattoos and pink hair) and was High Kick girl my junior year. They took a photo of my mid kick, blew it up, and slapped it on the wall. Genius.

5. I had the coolest purple hair for about a month in 2004. I had to dye it back for a job interview and totally forgot to take pictures. It is the saddest thing! I keep hoping someone has one from some night at Ben's or the like, but so far to no avail.

6. I pick my nose a lot (don't worry, I usually have a Kleenex) and am obsessed with nasal and ear health.

7. I've had this recurring auditory nightmare since I was little: It's black all around me and all I can hear is a "thumping" that grows faster and faster and faster until I wake up in cold sweats. The real problem with this is any music that also speeds the tempo on one note or beat- drives me crazy and I have to leave the room!

8. On a related music note (ha ha, pun not intended): I have never heard all of "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" because my Dad told me it was bad luck. That song was playing when he was in a really bad car accident and he's avoided it ever since. As you may have picked up from an earlier blog, I'm totally superstitious; so I've avoided the tune as well. This method of thinking is also what has kept me from owning or voluntarily driving in yellow cars.

9. I curse like a sailor and am perplexed how profanity has managed to escape this blog so far. Fucking weird.

10. For number ten, I would like to steal from the great James Lipton who stole it from Bernard Pivot: The Proust Questionnaire!! You should totally check out the full questionnaire here .

1. What is your favorite word? pamplemousse or pie
2. What is your least favorite word? anything ending in "ism"
3. What turns you on? a nice smile
4. What turns you off? idiocy and/or a disregard for others
5. What sound or noise do you love? rain
6. What sound or noise do you hate? children's choral (seriously, it's in every scary movie!)
7. What is your favorite curse word? fuck or mercredi (what I put in place of "fuck" when at work or around small children)
8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? So many! Architect, medical examiner, trust fund baby...
9. What profession would you not like to do? exterminator
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? Hi ya!

And, drum roll please..... The next blogger receiving this fantastic award is:

Lance Bass ruined my Life

He seems completely genuine and says the things I think in my head (especially about the idiocy of todays youth). Check him out and let him feel your love!

Sunday, August 2, 2009


Okay, so I was pretty bored at work today and was inspired by one of the blogs I was browsing. Since Saturday is now random, Sunday will be lists. Feel free to add your own or argue with me about me choices.

In honor of my Netflix account being reinstated, I present:

The A-D Edition
(in no particular order)

“After Life” (1999)- awesome Japanese film about the way station to the afterlife where the dead must cull through their memories and find their defining moment. Well shot and acted, it was not as depressing as it sounds.

“Agnes of God” (1985)- Meg Tilly shines as a nun who may or may not have murdered her baby and Jane Fonda is great as the psychologist sent to investigate. It’s a very calm, faded movie. Look for the dynamic Anne Bancroft as mother superior.

“Bell, Book, and Candle” (1958)- I don’t want any letters on how this is not obscure. A recent poll of my friends would disagree with you. The best movie staring Jimmy Stewart, Kim Novak, and Jack Lemmon. It’s about a witch who bespells her upstairs neighbor to fall in love with her. You’ll want a Siamese named Pyewacket so badly afterward!

Boondock Saints” (1999)- A couple of Irish misfit brothers take to a life of crime in this hilarious movie with “lot’s of fucking rope” and a lesion in “nameiology”. PS- They’ve made a sequel to be released soon.

“Cold Comfort Farm” (1995)- Kate Beckensale before you had any idea she existed. My Dad conned me into watching it saying it was a horror movie. (“I saw something nasty in the woodshed). I was bummed to find out it wasn’t but still loved the movie about a posh girl from London going to live with her downtrodden family in the country.

“Croupier” (1998)- along the same theme, this one featuring a young Clive Owen as a gambler and wanna be writer down on his luck. Alex Kingston (of “er” fame) also appears.
“Dog Soldiers” (2002)- All you need to know: Kevin McKidd, Scotland, werewolves, awesome!!!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

It's Saturday, So Let's be Random:

*The best new show you may not be watching is “Michael & Michael have Issues,” Wenesday’s on Comedy Central. It is host to such nuggets as: “Kiss my glasses!”, prevent teen pregnancy by telling boys you have a penis, “Don’t do drugs. Unless, you’re old, bored, want to feel happy…” I heart “The State” and am so glad to have Michael & Michael back!!

*There’s nothing worse than watching a movie while the thought, “I think I know what they meant,” is trailing through your head.

*Why is Gwyneth Paltrow telling me what to do and why am I listening? (

*Entertainment Weekly has acknowledged my obsession with cat videos and funny pictures. You’re welcome!

* I can’t wait for Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut “Whip It”, about Austin Roller Derby. Check out the new site ( and get your derby name. Call me Cha Cha Betty! What movie are you counting down to this fall??

*Related Movie News: A big NO to the remake of “Jesus Christ Superstar”. YEA to Ridley Scott helming the “Alien” prequel.

*Hate what “modern” radio is playing as much as I do? Head on over to NPR ( for crazy Boston mechanics and douche-y Canadian wordsmiths- Love!!

*In a step to bring the world of “Gattica” to light (ohh…Jude Law before he was kinda creepy- nostalgic!), researchers in England have created “test tube” sperm. Just a thought, but is there a lack of sperm in the world? Nobody told me! How about creating food that’s more sustainable instead? (Probably not unless potatoes grow dicks). How about the environment?

*The other night, I had the pleasure of being schooled by my drug-free vegetarian sister on agriculture and food safety. Now, before you jump to conclusions, she has come a long way from dropping my drinks on the floor or secretly feeding me tofu. I’m proud to say she’s grown up and respects more sides and opinions than anyone else I know. We spent a good hour, hour and a half, talking about the cattle industry (moronic), organic foods, the difference between grass fed and grain fed and free range and store bought and … (It’s not always as much as you would think). So I was excited to hear about this food safety bill before the House and the fact I understood way more about it than I did before. Did you realize how little authority the FDA has, or the number of middlemen between where your food is grown/raised to where it is processed/slaughtered? In her simple diagram of the cattle industry, my sister pointed out about 6 stops each cow makes, and that’s just before it’s slaughtered. Now tack on processing and shipping and who knows where your meat came from. This is also why they can’t figure out where tainted meat comes from. Did you also know that most cows raised in Texas are slaughtered in Oklahoma? Uh… What are they doing with it?!? I’ll close by getting off my soapbox (really more like the little ones you get at the Laundromat) and say this: Do you know what you put in your mouth?

Mark It!!!