I'm Almost Too Bored for Saturday

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* So, my healthy eating plan is in full swing! I'm trying to cut back the number of meat servings I eat in a week and have been doing pretty well so far. This week, I made some delicious balsamic glazed chicken, had one beef fajita, and blackened chicken salad from Whole Foods. Everything else was veggie. The last one I just couldn't help myself- I love that stuff! Speaking of Whole Foods, they just opened a new flagship store off Park Lane (for all you Dallas readers) and it is inspiring. Everything is easy to find, the produce is clearly marked "organic" or "conventional" along with it's state/country of origin. They've got a bunch of great deals too since they're new. For even better deals, check out the Central Market a couple blocks away- they're topping WF by at least $1. Anywho, I spent a lot less than I thought I would but it will be worth it if I calculated correctly and don't have to go back to the store for 2 weeks.

* I am your new giant Jenga master- bow to me!

* Dear Murderville: I understand that you cannot be anything other than what you are, but can you explain to me why I was awoken by a baby screaming bloody murder outside at 4 in the morning? Shouldn't said baby be asleep, or at the very least in doors? To make things worse, it woke up my upstairs neighbors who took the opportunity to parade around their apartment and keep me up. PS- The crack heads who were carrying on across the street at 4:30 AM had the decency to go inside after 15 minutes. In closing, please keep you babies (and any other illegal number of tenants you have crammed in a tiny 1-bedroom) indoors at night and away from my window. That is all.

* "Did you try double knotting it?"- our imagined answer if you called tech support on your shoe laces. We may have had a few too many Murphy's Irish Stout as well...

* Jennie's word of the day is: pink socks (she is obsessed with her recently pink socks. I am a bit too considering they started life as grey). Her second choice in words is "mistakes" for those of you who cannot work pink socks into your conversation.

* It's all over the news, but I have just one question for Bombshell McGee the alleged former slut of Jesse James- "Exactly how are you not dressed like a Nazi?" Have you seen the pic? She claims this is not a Nazi outfit. Uh... I understand you're not very intelligent, but honey, it is.

* I finally learned something important from my Yahoo! homepage and immediately forgot it.

* Hogwart's is coming! As the movie/comic/life nerd that I am, I need to start planning my trip to Disney Florida asap. The new Harry Potter theme park opens June 18th. I'm so giggly it's ridiculous.



c/o married to the sea

A Kind Saturday... Sort of

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* As you know, I've been on a major food kick for the past year or so- as much organic and local produce as I can afford along with free range/grass fed meat. I think it's important to know what you're eating! Oprah has been running her "Best of..." shows all year and I got to catch one I had wanted to see all about food and responsibility. If you haven't seen it, you can check out clips and info here. The episode featured food author Michael Pollan ("The Omnivore's Dilemma" and "Food Rules"), actress Alicia Silverstone, and clips from the film "Food, Inc.". I knew of Pollan but had never read any of his books, but I will just as soon as I find one at Half Price Books. His food rules are simple and easy to follow; his motto being "Eat food. Mostly plants. Not too much". The episode talked a lot about responsible eating and easy ways to change your habits. It seems daunting when you think about cutting out certain foods (I just can't quit you fast food, especially when I've been drinking), however, I haven't eaten a frozen dinner in I don't know how long and feel great about it. My Meatless Mondays leave me feeling refreshed and great all day and Tuesday morning. ( PS- I've been really good the past couple weeks and remembered it was Monday! I'm already prepared for the next Monday with some delicious colcannon I made- skip the bacon, it's not traditional and personally it's gross). Organic produce simply tastes better and isn't that much more expensive than the measly "regular" food. I'm always reminded of Margritte's painting "The Son of Man" whenever I eat an organic apple- they're huge!

Alicia Silverstone was on to talk about her new book "The Kind Diet" and her vegan lifestyle. I don't think I could do it since eggs and cheese are my two favorite foods, but I fully support it! I've been meaning to read her book and become a "flirter" (a person who flirts with vegetarianism/veganism). She is a great spokesperson for the movement and some of the recipes they mentioned sound delicious! The thing I liked most about her was her effervescent personality and charm. The biggest problem, I feel, between vegetarians and meat eaters is a lack of respect and understanding. We have this vision of a militant hippie shaking their fist at us while we eat a hamburger or the glare when you say your vegetarian. I'm sure there are people like that out there, but I've never met any. Think about it this way, if you were attacked daily about your food decisions, wouldn't you become a bit defensive too? Silverstone came across as the kind of person who supports all choices but secretly wishes you would join her on the "kind side". She's vegan and mostly macrobiotic, yet admitted that she's cheated with cheese before. I love it! Imperfection is perfection. I can't wait to get the book and give you a full report. You can learn all about her and the book at The Kind Diet. There is a lot of good information there.

I also thought a lot about my sister while watching this episode. She is vegetarian/pescatarian and has been for many years. It's kind of tough in our house to exclude meat and she has maintained a healthy disposition and perseverance throughout the teasing! While I am an outspoken supporter of everything my sister does, I realized I could do more. We always talk about going to different vegetarian restaurants but I never follow through. I think, in a way, I'm spooked out by them and worried I won't like what they have to serve. I am a historically picky eater. Funny thing is, she never was. the girl ate scrapple once! If I'd only done a bit of research, like I have today, and looked at a menu; I wouldn't have been so worried. So, I am prepared to go to a vegetarian restaurant when I visit you or next time you are in town!

* A recent conversation with Word-of-the-Day Jennie:
Jennie: "They've got a castle!" (I think she's playing some sort of Facebook farming game)
Me: "Well, get a castle then."
Jennie (in a mopey voice): "I can't afford it"
I just burst out laughing! She was so sad to not have this fictional castle... so cute.

* Speaking of which, the word of the day is: confusion (I have no idea why, but it seems to fit the day perfectly)
[UPDATE: For the 1st time, there is a second word of the day and it is "lurned", as in "I just lurned something new". Further proof that Facebook needs spell checker]

* PS- If you have a busy day planned, it's probably best not to stay out until 4 AM the previous night. I wish I could say lesson learned, but I'm sure it will happen again.

* It's hard to tell in the above picture (way to go, camera phone), but that couch says "No Beardos" on it. What the heck is a beardo and why don't they want them? Just another benefit to living in Murderville- discarded crack den furniture. PS- It's been by the curb for a week now. Why is the city not picking it up?

* "I guess I never knew the definition of berry. I thought it was just a fruit that grew on bushes- a bush fruit" (According to my Diet Peach Snapple, a strawberry is not a berry but a banana is. Turns out that is correct, a berry being by scientific definition a fruit whose seeds are evenly distributed on the inside of the flesh. The above was my response. Our general goofy mood and possible hangover made this statement hilarious and dirty. I almost choked on a carrot!

What's up Netflix?

Wow, what a slow week for movies at my house! I can't even think what I've been doing to cause such a drought... Oh yea! My mailman is on drugs. I didn't get any mail for 3 days and I know it's not just because I didn't have any. I got an email from Netflix saying they received my movie and how did I like it. Well Netflix, I wouldn't know because it was never delivered to my house. Thanks mailman! I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I miss my crazed biker mailman so badly right now. I don't know who this new guy is but I'd like him to leave now please.

The Vicious Kind- 4 stars—This movie reminds me of the films I love from the early 2000's/late 90's (rent "All the Real Girls", "Margot at the Wedding", and "The Squid and the Whale" now if you haven't seen them yet). Director Lee Toland Krieger succeeds in his attempt to make the modern, young Neil LaBute film. Centering on the self-destructive nature of big brother Caleb (a superb Adam Scott who earned an Independent Spirit Award nomination) and the way his loneliness and confusion bleeds over and negatively effects his relationship with his family. Closest to his sting is his brother Peter (Alex Frost) and his new girlfriend Emma (Brittany Snow- wow! I hope she makes more films like this and leaves "Prom Night" style remakes alone). Slowly it is revealed the motivation behind Caleb's anger and how his own relationship and mistrust of his Dad (indie staple J.K. Simmons) has lead him down this path. Can he be redeemed? How damaged is too damaged? In lesser hands and certainly with a worse script; Caleb would be unlikeable, an asshole we wish something bad would happen to. Instead, we find ourselves relating to his depression and finding shades of ourselves in the way he chooses to act out. Who hasn't wanted to scare and tell off the aloof object of our desire? To say what we think when we think it? To self-destruct only so far as to be interesting but without causing permanent damage? Certainly I have. I don't want to mislead you- this movie is actually pretty funny; the sadness balanced out with wise cracks and prat falls. I am also in awe of Krieger's ability to write such a realistic young female character. I really liked it and cannot wait to see what Krieger has in store for us next.

Next week will bring a lot more reviews, promise. Until then, I hope everyone enjoys the Oscar's tonight and good luck to all of you participating in the "Oscar draft". My full review will be available tomorrow.

[side note: Have you subscribed yet? Are you a follower? Maybe that sounds a bit harsh to you or goes against your personal convictions- I understand! Maybe instead of a follower, you're a joiner? Have you joined my blog yet? I wish you would]

Winter Greetings from Murderville

It was quite eventful in Murderville last night. For the 1st time ever (knock wood) I didn't lose power! It seems I'm always in the group that loses power when there's a big storm, but last night I was spared. Praise Allah! Unfortunately, others were not so lucky. My partner in crime and word of the day president Jen, lost power from 9-1230; missing many important TV shows. Another friend watched as a transformer blew in front of her house, catching the surrounding trees on fire. (!) Thankfully, the firemen came and power was only lost for an hour. Another friend lost power yesterday from 12-5 and again from 10-still out. He did build a 9 ft tall snowman, so at least the day was not wasted.

It occurred to me (and I may be a late bloomer here) that I/we are lucky to live in or near a posh neighborhood. Sure, Murderville is low rent, but down the same street are million dollar McMansions. When the power does go out, it's usually back on within the hour. Where Jen lives, she's surrounded by large homes and adorable craftsman's. Lauren lives in the land of fancy condos. The case is driven home by pointing out my friend who is still without power lives in an older, middle to lower-middle class neighborhood. Moral of the story- Beverly Hills may have some slums, but it's still Beverly Hills.

I also suffered flashback's last night. Again, strange noises were heard in my courtyard. I carefully peered out the blinds and saw nothing. First thing first, I checked the gate (really, I have got to tell the gate story at some point, it really is spectacularly crazy); then went back to watching TV. The noise happened again, and this time I could see were it was coming from. There was a lady running around the courtyard wearing a motorcycle helmet. Out of view, I could see flashes from a camera. Hilarious! I also realized I'm getting old.

"Oh, how fun! I'm super jealous. I wish I knew them so I could go outside and run around."

"God, it's been like 5 minutes. Why won't they shut up? It can't still be fun!"

"I hope they get frost bite!"

[side note: At some point my satanic upstairs joined in the fun which was a relief from the constant noise I usually hear. Until that is, they came back inside stomping around and chasing their evil dog. Didn't you get enough of that outside?? Come on!]

It is incredibly boring and sad to be at work today. It is a lovely 36 outside, the snow is starting to melt, I can drive anywhere I want (except Whole Foods because they don't have power), and everyone else I know is home drinking champagne and watching Netflix.

You would think this boredom would lead to something creative, but alas, no. I've spent my day at work photocopying recipes, reading, watching "Law & Order" on the L&O channel, and eating pizza.

[side note: Big shout out to Domino's for being open for delivery!!! I officially heart you more than Papa John's who couldn't drive the block and a half to the office w/my Tuscan cheese pizza. And, you were cheaper. Kudos!]

I was very excited to learn that Direct TV works in snow as long as you sweep the dish every 2-3 hours. 12.5 inches of snow? No problem! Why can't it work like that in heavy rain? Losers. I did miss the end of "Grey's Anatomy" (and no, I will not apologize for watching! Those who stuck with it last season have been rewarded w/a plum of a season this year). Next stop, watching it online; perhaps today.

Oh!! One of our resident's just brought us cupcakes! Ohhhh, red velvet w/butter creme icing. Delish. Gotta remember to send a thank you card...

(Okay, that was random and it's not even Saturday)

While trying to leave my house and get to work today (please send me your sympathy), I saw this:

Uh... Excuse me, Douche? Why/How did you think it was acceptable to park your car in the middle of the road? Forget about turning left when you enter my driveway. Re-purposed cop car is in the middle of the "T". You couldn't get closer to the dumpster? If I didn't like my car, I would have run into you on purpose, then leave a note explaining how you deserved it. Problem is, you probably can't read. I hope you want to be famous, because I'm posting this with the word "douche" stamped on it in the laundry room. Oh, and on Facebook and Twitter. I already had to move a tree (!) just to get to my car, I don't need to put up with you as well, Asshole.

Postcard from Murderville: Halloween Edition

It's Halloween in Murderville, what a glorious sight! I heart Halloween, as I'm sure you've gathered, and may love it even more since I moved to my current digs. Just two blocks up the road from me, lies an oasis in the heart of Murderville. One of the oldest boulevards in Dallas, it is lined with McMansions and beautiful magnolia trees. What's even better, it's populated with people who love to celebrate holidays. Almost every house participates in Halloween and Christmas, making it one of the best drives to and from work in the country.

Every year, workers come in the wee morning hours to begin setting up the festivities. Caution tape lines the sidewalks directing trick-or-treater traffic. Those few houses that don't wish to participate, simply block their drive with the tape. There are very few of these, and I'm always surprised they don't get TP'd or egged. One house has a cemetery, complete with rolling fog and an inflatable Ghost Rider. I saw the above gem on my way to work and had to pull over. Another always builds a haunted house in their garage and backyard. You think you've seen Halloween? Did your block get an estimated 10,000 trick or treaters last year? Mine did. I only hope I can escape before the likely hood of hitting a reveler or pissing off a parent becomes impossible.

[side note: I love the festivities, you know I do, however; I live here. As such, I am afforded the right to exit my driveway with out you yelling profanities at me in front of Spiderman over there. Knock it off. See also: joggers]

I'm sitting a work right now racking my brain for a costume idea. I've thought of several since yesterday, but they all involve a lot more preparation. Have no fear! I am writing them all down. Now, I just have to remember I did that and not lose the notebook. Best suggestion came from my friends Solly and Austin after we watched "Zombieland". "You should go as #406!" Genius! Do I need a teal cardigan as well, or would a "Hello! My name is 406" name tag work just as well? I was already leaning towards zombie...

Hope everyone has a safe and haunted Halloween! Pics and stories to come.

On an unrelated note, there is an interesting article on farming and climate change that can be found here. I am a huge supporter of organic farming and strongly believe we should know what we are putting into our bodies. Whether you feel the same way, or don't care, this article is some food for thought. More to follow when it actually fits in with the theme of the post. I just couldn't resist a bit of randomness, it is Saturday after all.

Help! My Neighbors are Satanists (or just really loud)

I am famous the world over for the inability to translate from person to type. Ask me to write as a missionary, assassin, or bored housewife, and I will prevail. If I write as myself, in my own personality, it always falls short. I come across as obscene, or blunt, or unfunny. Sarcasm does not easily translate. Part of the goal of this blog is to help mend and reform these shortcomings. Below is a letter I’m drafting to the management of my apartments. Please let me know if I come off crazy or insipid. Suggestions are welcome and most appreciated. I promise not to bite:

Dear Management,
In all my years living in apartments, I have never written a letter or called on a fellow resident. As an employee of an apartment complex myself, I hear a lot of things from residents on noise.
Since the residents of [redacted] moved in about a week ago, I’ve been disturbed by loud noises at all hours of the day and night. I ignored it at first, moving in and arranging furniture makes noise; I’m sympathetic to that. However, it has persisted far longer than normal and at inappropriate times. Loud stomping, running, bangs, scraps, drilling, can be regularly heard all day long, even after 9 PM (which is usually considered the beginning of the quiet hours). The noises are so loud that they reverberate through my apartment causing my own furniture to vibrate. I’m worried about my possessions breaking. I’m sure you can agree this is excessive.
I went upstairs Wednesday night to introduce myself and address the noise. Before I could knock on the door, their dog rushed out barking and growling at me. He is not very big, medium sized, but that is big enough to do damage or possibly cause me to fall down the stairs. Dogs are supposed to be on a leash in public areas per city ordinance. Regardless, I introduced myself and said, “This must be all the noise I’m hearing. My furniture is vibrating”, motioning to the dog and a small child she was carrying. She smiled at me as a friend tried to restrain the dog, but did not apologize. I know I was being a bit passive aggressive, but I really thought they would try to keep it down that night. They did not. If anything, it was louder.
I have lived here a while. They are my third neighbors, and I have never had a problem with anyone before. The previous two residents also had dogs (larger than this one), and I barely heard them. I do not know what is going on upstairs, but there is no reason for stomping on the floor, dropping boxes, and running back and forth at 11:27 PM. I thought someone was going to fall through the ceiling! This has become a real problem and I don’t know what else to do.
Please speak with them regarding apartment etiquette. Perhaps they have never lived in a vintage building and do not realize how sound travels.
I don’t like to complain, this is certainly one of my least favorite parts of my job, but it needs to be addressed. Thank you for your assistance and support in this manner. I look forward to enjoying some relative piece in my apartment again. If you need to speak with me further on this matter, please call [redacted].

So, what do you think? I’m at my wits end! They are driving me crazy. I actually kept a log of all the noise they make. I started writing the above letter at 9:oo PM and was still writing things down at 11:27 AM. Today at lunch, it sounded like they were playing fetch with the dog in the house. That was the only thing I could think of to explain the banging I heard. I’m not in much of a mood for shit like this right now….

Scenes from Murderville:

I am a Peeping Tom although I don’t like to look at it that way. If you asked me, I would say I’m a spectator. Peeping Tom’s look in windows and lurk in bushes. They have binoculars à la James Stewart in “Rear Window”. I do none of these things. I stay in the relative safety of my home and peer out through small cracks in the blinds. If you choose to have an argument outside, I am going to watch. The same goes if you’re having a raucous party.

I was thinking about this the other night while sitting at home watching Top Chef reruns. I kept hearing something outside my window- not unusual, this is Murderville- but the noise persisted. I leaned over the back of my couch, slowly separated the 7th and 8th blind slats, and peered outside. Nothing was there! “Okay,” I thought, “kinda weird”. No sooner had I turned Tom Colicchio back on then the noise started up again. It sounded like a one-sided party, but every time I looked outside nothing was there! Finally, after 15 minutes of what I discovered later was yelling (poor thing, should really work on sounding scary), I finally saw someone outside. It was such a let down, this tiny person all puffed up and slamming the courtyard gate. It was kinda cute.

Last night, we had a bit of rain but I had no idea it was going on. You see: f I hear thunder, I assume it’s my upstairs neighbor working on her clogging, or dropping bowling balls on the ground, whatever it is she’s up to. I’ve never seen so small a person create so much noise! If there is lighting outside, I assume it’s the police again. It needs to be a raging storm for me to be aware. This is what living in Murderville does to a person. I didn’t even get up to look outside this time. I figured it was just my diminutive neighbor yelling at someone again.

I can’t remember if I told the legendary Fence story already or if I told it in response to some one else’s post. If I haven’t, let me know and I will include it in my next postcard. It really is a doozy and helps showcase my complete lack of awareness. Actually, that isn’t quite right or fair. I’m a pretty observant person. I “watch my 6”. I don’t think it’s that I’m not aware so much as I’ve seen enough that it has to be pretty special for me to care. I’m apathetic. They don’t call it Murderville for nothing, and you’ve got to be aware of what’s going on around you, especially if you’re peeking out the windows at night! That being said, I really wish my friend who also lives there would stop yelling out my name in the parking lot at 3 o’clock in the morning when we’re getting home from work and the bars. The last thing a slightly inebriated person needs to hear in the dark parking lot is there name. Freaks me out every time.

How to Fail at Life without Really Trying...

I spent the last few days sitting on my ass watching recorded Food Network shows (how am I just noticing how large Giada’s head is?). There is nothing more depressing than having two days to kill and no money to hire the assassin. I have $3 ‘til Friday and I’m going to run out of smokes and probably gas before then. In the small favors department, at least I don’t live too far from work and the weather has only been in the upper 90’s so I guess it wouldn’t be so bad to walk (I would stab myself now but I’m pretty sure they clock you out of work to take you to emergency).

Here are a couple things that occurred to me over my days off:

*Why can’t you sell plasma anymore? Don’t they know there are junkies and horrible checkbook balancers out there that need cash? How much can I get for an in demand hardcover book at Half Price? Enough for smokes? I hope so; ‘cuz if not I just wasted what gas I have left.

*Driving through Murderville on my way home I saw a woman playing with her kid on the side of the road. This would not be disturbing except it was 1130 at night and she was literally playing with him on the side of the road, the curb to be exact. Hey lady! Rolling your kid on the curb in the middle of the night in the ghetto is not smart! (Or very smart depending on how you feel about kids and/or natural selection).

Finally, my ode to box wine:

Yes, you heard me right. Box Wine.

In my day, box wine meant Franzia, which meant disgusting. I remember the laughs when my aunt served it at her wedding (actually not surprising). It was the kind of thing people bought to make punch or supplement dinner parties. Not something you would actually want or admit to drinking. I’m not sure when it happened (perhaps the success of Kathy Griffin’s “My Life on the D List” and her mother’s insatiable thirst for all things served in a box), but box wine has made a resurgence; gone through a renaissance if you will. They could not be any more different than the big white box.

At my grocery store, the Franzia is kept on the opposite side of the aisle from the new box wines, the couture boxes if you will. In a fit of boredom and lack of funds, I recently purchased a box of “Boti Box Wine”. What drew me to this particular brand (for I stood in that aisle looking at all the pretty boxes for at least 7 minutes) was that it was green. A “green” box of wine (aren’t all cardboard boxes of wine recyclable? Is this just marketing?). The box was made of recycled paper, the inside pouch was recyclable, I think even the wine was organic. Anyway, at $17.99 for the equivalent of 3 bottles I was sold. To my delight, it wasn’t so bad. I’m not going to blow smoke at you and say it was one of the best wines I’ve had, it wasn’t. What it was, was the right price and not disgusting. The quality speaks to other econo-lines like Little Penguin, Alice White, whatever’s $5 at Whole Foods, slightly better than 3-buck chuck. At about $4 a bottle, it was the cheapest as well. I bought the Shiraz twice!

I’ve tried a couple other brands, Fish Eye (not so much and I’m pretty sure they cheat you out of some wine and the spout sucks), and Black Box (also nice but the much smaller size of the box makes me nervous).

I feel ashamed and partially disgusted in myself but I’m not sure I can stop. It just fits so well into my nightly ritual of bad TV/movies and a glass of wine. Now it won’t go bad and ruin my good time! I’m not done with bottles though. Sometimes the night calls for something better (although still well under $10); but, for the nights that call for okay (and in the privacy of your home), you could do worse than a box o’wine.

Postcard from Murderville

Last night, around midnight, I found myself lying face down on the floor next to my couch. Odd popping sounds from outside forced me to duck and cover.

"Finally," I thought, "The gun fire everyone has been talking about!"

A couple months ago an old friend was visiting and dubbed my neighborhood "Murderville" Even in broad daylight he could sense something wasn't quite right in the hood. I love the eclectic vibe my area affords me- the remodeled historic homes and apartments, the dilapidated shacks, the mini mansions. It's the reason I live here, why I've always wanted to live here. If you as me, I say I live in the East Village. Unfortunately, Murderville is what everyone now remembers. Thanks!

I had some time to think while I was on the floor: Can I reach my phone? These don't sound like shots fired, but what are the? Should I get up? No, idiot! What would your Dad say? What if they were gunshots? Stay down!! How much does it cost to replace a window? What about the wall? What's that echo?

Ten "shots" later, I pick myself off the floor and casually look outside. Nothing is there. Not in the courtyard, not at the crack house across the street, not anywhere. Surely I would see something outside, right?

The sorry truth is, probably not. About a year ago, I was sitting on the couch watching one of those sappy Hollywood movies you can only watch at home alone and never tell anyone you saw it, when I heard a noise outside. I peeked out the window but didn't see anything there. I went back to my Will Smith movie- damn, I shouldn't have said that! Anyway, a couple minutes later, I heard a noise again coming from my courtyard. When I looked out the window I saw a guy leaning against the gate. "Silly drunk", I thought; and went back to my movie. Not a minute later, I heard yelling in the courtyard as someone, presumably the drunk, tried to beat down the door to an apartment. "Weirdo".

Several minutes later, I notice a flashing of red and blues and peek out the window to the street. There were about six cruisers, and ambulance, and all the cops and paramedics to go with them. In my courtyard, a stretcher carried the drunk out and into the ambulance. Cops milled about, checking out the fence, talking to neighbors. This was just too go to miss! I quickly put on an outfit befitting the situation (i.e. no pajamas), and went outside. A young policeman came up and asked me if I heard anything so I recounted the story above. Apparently, the guy wasn't a drunk, or at least that's not all he was. You see, when I first heard the noise and looked outside, the guys was impaled on the spikes atop my courtyards fence. When I looked back outside and saw him leaning against the fence, he had wiggled himself free. When I heard yelling and pounding, he was trying to get his friends attention. It was a gruesome sight.

I have no idea what the noise I heard last night was. Maybe firecrackers? BB gun? Car backfiring several times? Maybe it was a gun? Maybe the echoing noise was caused by the layout of my courtyard. Like they say in those Tootsie Rolls commercials, the world may never know.