Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Return of Random!

It's been a while since I wrote my Saturday recap. In truth, I hadn't even noticed until word-of-the-day Jennie pointed it out. Poor thing, she thought she had been replaced.

* The other day on "Chelsea Lately" they were talking about body parts again. Chelsea argues that the penis is ugly, but balls must be stopped. In response, one of the round table guests (I forget which one) said the vagina looked like something out of "Aliens".

First off: Fuck off guy! I'll never be able to think about my intimates the same way again. Sure, we weren't really friends, more like acquainted neighbors, but still... I always thought that would change. One day I'd wake up a bit sluttier and in love with my body. Now, I just have the image of Sigorney Weaver a foot from my crotch yelling, "Get away from her you bitch!"

Second: Can't we all just agree that sexual body parts look weird and are mildly unattractive regardless of the sex? If not for the pleasure they can bring, who would really want that coming towards or in them? They are god's (or Darwin's) cheapest trick.

* Overheard at the bar (NSFW): "It's Cinderella fat," pointing at his beer belly. "At midnight, all this turns to dick".

* A friend was telling me a story about this girl she knows who broke a glass coffee table. She was just sitting on it, and it shattered. "She had a big ass," my friend said. To which I responded, "Who sits on a glass table? She was clearly raised in a glass barn". Seriously though, how thick must you be (no pun intended) to think you can sit, stand, lay on a glass coffee table?

* Word of the day: fuss·bud·get \ˈfəs-ˌbə-jət\:n: one who fusses or is fussy especially about trifles

* My new favorite word: Sailish (sail-lish): n: 1. One relating to a sailor 2. a person who isn't really a sailor, they just kind of dabble.

* I am going through my notebook looking for interesting things I haven't posted on before when one word on a blank page caught my attention: "Dinosaucers". ( I am awesome)
* I took my Mom to an advanced screening of "The Switch" Tuesday. Predictability isn't always a bad thing, especially in a rom-com. We all know the guy will get the girl or vice verse, and we know it will be an awkward process getting there. We, the audience, have accepted that. Sometimes a movie comes out that breaks the mold ("(500) Days of Summer") or is so good it ends up epitomizing the genre ("When Harry Met Sally..."). This is not one of those movies, and that's okay. Jennifer Aniston's character wants to have a baby and can no longer wait for the "traditional" path to pregnancy. Her BFF, Jason Batman, used to date her but is now in the friend zone and not even considered a viable doner. One thing leads to another and BAM! he's the daddy. What makes this movie work is the top notch writing from Allan Loeb and Jeffery Eugenides (author of "The Virgin Suicides" and based on his short story "The Baster", also a better title). They make the friendly banter between Aniston, Bateman, Juliette Lewis, and Jeff Goldblum (friend and boss, respectively) believable and funny. The ease with which they tease each other hints at the long relationship they're supposed to have. New comer Thomas Robinson as Aniston's son is also a joy to watch. He is typically New York, all neurosis and sad puppy eyes wrapped in a 6 year old's body. My mother and I both enjoyed this film. It's a good one for ladies night or to rent. I think I'd steer clear of any pregnancy movie (save "Juno") on a date, but that's just me. A big thank you to "Red Carpet Crash for the tickets.

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