Droppin' Some Knowledge

***The following video along with some of the text is NSFW (That's not suitable for work people) and should be viewed with caution. I, the writer of this blog, do not agree, condone, or condemn any of the quoted statements below. So, if you are fragile of heart or mind stop reading here.***

I've got you know huh?

Wednesday is usually filled with nothing more than random trivia questions and answers. [side note: After my two week absence due to illness and such, we (i.e. "Panty Puddin'", and no I did not name our team) are back on top. Now, if only we can hold on.]

This past Wednesday however was the exception. Wednesday was when my little group of ragamuffins met Eddie. Wearing a pair of dirty jeans and red Rangers cap, from behind he would have appeared to fit in with our group perfectly. It wasn't until you came around and saw his lopsided, toothless grin that you knew something was off. Eddie was the kind of guy who was probably 52 but on a bad day looked 65. His life was written on his face and it was punctuated by gulps of a Shiner Bock.

Eddie invited himself to sit down at our table and immediately my Stranger Danger went off. Thankfully, my buddy Smalls doesn't have the same problem. We were talking about something un-PC and Eddie just chimed in. He was ready with some wisdom and a joke on any taboo topic. It got to a point that I don't remember what he said, I was laughing so hard. It didn't even occur to me to start writing some of his gems down until half way through. Luckily, my other buddy Moe kept his head and captured almost every moment with his iPhone. The following video is one take from the evening. Apologies in advance, at one point Eddie was so funny Moe dropped the phone:



A few, un-PC, often racist dropped knowledge from Eddie:

"Put your white train in my chocolate sundae."

"I'm not into cougars, I'm into saber tooths. Hum it and gum it."

"Take out your dentures, I'm ready to go."

[side note: Eddie seemed obsessed with toothless women. Perhaps because he himself had such a grin.]

"I'm conquering my ass some Incas, 'cuz I'm not wearing pants!"

The worst story Eddie knew when prompted. It truly is gross:
"This girl wanted to go to the latest popular movie so she asked her dad for $7. 'Sure,' he said, 'If you suck my dick.' 'Oh, come on dad!' the girl protested. [This went on for a while]. After an hour and a half (that's one hour and 30 minutes to you guys), the girl gave in and her dad pulled down his pants. 'Ew! Why does your dick taste like ass?' 'Cuz your brother was here half an hour earlier wanting to go to the same move.'"
[I really needed a shower after that one.]

Eventually, Eddie began repeating his stories and we wondered off (more like scurried) to greener pastures. It certainly was a sight and a hell of a good, awkward, politically incorrect time.

Randomly Olympic

* Who watched the Opening Ceremonies last night?? I thought they were lovely. The inclusion of the aboriginal people, the quotes read by Donald Sutherland, the horrifying outfits worn by the German delegation. Very lovely. I was kind of bummed though that Cirque du Soleil didn't perform. They are certainly what I think of when I think about Quebec. Speaking of which, I don't remember seeing anything specifically French-Canadian. All they got was a fiddler in a canoe? Kinda unfair. Oh well... Now to go back about not caring about the Olympics.

* Speaking of what I'll be doing instead of watching the Olympics; I am very saddened by the BBC and Netflix. As you know, I have become totally geeky for "Hex"- Oh it's so good! The other night I finished the 1st season and was already anxious for more. When I went online to move season 2 up my queue I discovered it- Season 2 is not available. At all. For who knows how long. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe I could just buy it. NO!! It's not even out on DVD in the US. What the frak? This think came out in 2005. Get on the ball! Why would you release season 1 (in '07 mind you) and then not release the 2nd (and final!) season. Are you trying to make me cry? Well, it worked.

* Why are all warm climate countries with only 1 delegate in the winter Olympics all alpine skiers?

* Jimmy Fallon has been a bit hit or miss since taking over the Late Show. His interview style has evened out and he seems less nervous. Case in point: Robert is Bothered ; where Fallon as Robert Pattinson tells us what bothers him. No need to start at the beginning (I jumped in after catching the Valentine's skit on TV), just click on what ever looks best. I'll wait * I think I have an estrogen problem. I totally teared up last night while watching the ceremonies (the path that poor little torch too!). My friend Lauren pointed out this is happening to everyone. Either we're just getting older (= crying emotion) or it's because we're ladies. Now, I have only been accused of that last bit once and I don't think they were being complimentary. However, isn't there a pill or something I could take to turn this all off? I don't want to be a blubbering idiot or have to poke myself in the eye for a valid excuse as to why I'm getting misty. I only want to be a lady if I can walk around in "Mad Men" attire and smoke and drink indoors during the day.

* Jen's word of the day is: Falafel (nope, I have no idea why; that's why she picks them- no method to the madness)

* The only thing good about working on the weekends is NSFW viewing. No one sitting behind me to judge or be offended. Things like this , and this , and... oh I gotta find another one... this one !

* Did you watch "Robert is Bothered"? I know! Hilarious! "Get on the fuck train, and take off!"

* "It's like getting stabbed in the mouth... Mark it!"- Today was all about crab rangoon. I've been thinking about it for days. Unfortunately, it was basically fried cream cheese (where's the crab?!). The above statement came about after I dipped my bland egg roll into what turned out to be the most evil/awesome mustard I've ever eaten. My eyes welled up and all I could do was grimace and waft my hands in front of my face.

* My favorite comic of the week: