Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Eye of the Beholder

We judge people constantly- I'm thinner than her, taller than him, better looking than their last girlfriend/boyfriend. First impressions count as much as we try to deny it. We are biased people.

As children, we're told judging people is wrong. However, sometimes you should judge a book by it's cover: I don't care how nice looking he is, never take candy or drinks from strangers. As I always say, Ted Bundy was a nice looking guy, so you never know! Instead, we should teach children that this is a natural biological response. The key is not to act negatively or impulsively toward these imperfections (except in the case of what I call the "crazy vibe". Then you should just run away).

I asked some of my male friends what kind of guys they were: tits or ass. Personally, I keep going out with ass men which is funny as I don't have one to speak of. Every one of them answered, "face". Is that wrong? Should they be admonished for it? I found it refreshing. Honesty, it's amazing how often we deny ourselves that.

I had to agree with them. If asked what my favorite male feature was, I would respond "shoulders". I love broad shoulders and a strong back. See: Burt Lancaster. However, if you asked me what I noticed first, it would be face and skin. Men look at the same thing. Clothes can hide a multitude of sins. Modern fashion can give you bigger breasts, thinner waist, longer legs. Make-up can only cover so much. Every women's magazine talks about the importance of "radiance" as a turn on. When shown a set of pictures- one plain, one with a bit of highlighting cream/power on- of the same woman, they picked the highlighted one. Radiance equals health, which equals fertility, which equals babies, and not an early death. This is biology.

As much as we may try to deny it, that we are "better than that", we aren't. We want to find the best possible mate, and that isn't found in the cerebellum. Personality (it goes a long way you know), is secondary to attraction. Of course, what we find attractive differs slightly from person to person. I don't care how charming he is, if you don't like the look of him, you wouldn't stick around long enough to find out. Fact.

So, what's my point? No idea actually. It just got me thinking. Why do the guys I like never seem to like me? How do I avoid the "friend zone"? Why can't I get asked on a date? It's easier to think they just don't find me attractive than to think there's something actually wrong with me. I'm not attracted to everyone I meet. Hell, it's been a while since I was attracted to anyone (thank you Bolsa for ending that dry spell).

I guess in the end, I'm thankful this holiday season for my friends and their brutal honesty. I'm even more thankful that they keep that honesty to themselves unless provoked.


  1. Bev, I think your problem is that you're too damn cool. Girls like you are totally intimidating to guys (so I've heard from the kind of guys who I can't date but don't call "friends" because I don't believe in that); you're beautiful, have a mouth on ya, know bad ass movies and music, and can wax intellectually about ANYTHING. That scares the bejesus out of dudes, which is why they tend to date “less complex" girls like they're going out of style. Once in a long while, a guy will surface who can embrace all these wonderful qualities and is every bit as awesome and well-rounded as you are. (Some of our friends have found pretty cool dudes, so I have hope...at least for them.) Keep fightin' the good fight, woman!

  2. ps: cerebrum is the seat of consciousness and personallity, cerebellum is moter coordination... teehee... its funny that way, though:-}

  3. If you figure out the answer to this riddle, let me know. Most of the greatest women I know are sans men. I also find it interesting that Natalie said other women are "less complex" as I was just told this weekend that part of the reason I'm single is my complexity. Maybe that's the case for all of us. I wouldn't say a single one of us is a simple-ton. I just can't figure out where the fabulous men are that would make us non-singletons. It's a mystery I ask EVERY single time we are all out together.

  4. I gotta tell you mere- I just picked a part of the brain randomly based on what I could spell with out looking at m-w.com. It is funny that "attraction is not found in [motor coordination]" which is probably true too!

    Thanks a lot for the words of encouragement! Now, if you'll excuse me; I'm going out, but never in groups more than 4 and less than 3. Apparently, that is intimidating as well :)