Friday, April 23, 2010

The New (Old) Rules of Dating

So, last nights first date went off well even though I may have had one too many gin & tonics, but we'll get to that in a second. There are a few things about dating that stick out in my mind, most of them learned from my father. His dating life began in the mid-60s and the lessons and manners he acquired there were passed on to me. Not a lot, I mean, who wants to talk to their Dad about boys, but enough. In many ways, it's the essence of a "Mad Men" kind of existence. Maybe that's why I've always been fascinated with that period.

1) Guy's usually ask girls- This is not to say the reverse (or some version thereof) isn't true, but it's the exciting exception not the rule. My father's take is that women want a strong man who can make decisions and isn't afraid of rejection. I kinda agree.

2) Dates should be made several days in advance & confirmed- If a guy does this, I'm impressed. It sounds so simple and obvious, but we (ladies) have all been asked out for the following day or worse, the day of. My date was made on Monday for Thursday. He called on Tuesday to confirm I wasn't "just being nice" (I explained that I am never nice for the niceness sake. See #4), then again Thursday afternoon to finalize. Preparation is key, so is the implied respect for your "busy" schedule.

3) Whoever asks, pays- It is important thought to always have $20 or a good credit card in case he turns into a loser or decides to go dutch. Again, be prepared.

4) Self-deprecation is a turn off for everyone- Seriously. This includes but is not limited to: "I can't believe you agreed to go out with me." "I never thought you would say yes." "I know I'm not your type..." Stay away from the Debbie Downer shit too- no one wants to hear about how your cat died, or you hate your job, or just got out of the hospital after your "little accident". Save it for later.

5) Don't drink too much/get drunk- This one didn't come from my Dad in those words, I take it from his traditional good bye of "keep your wits about you and watch your six", but I think the sentiment works perfectly here. Patti Stanger has it right with this one! Drinking too much can lead to anything from kissing someone you shouldn't (or worse!) to puking in the restaurant bathroom- Not that I've done either of those things... It can also inhibit your ability to self-edit or remember what a great or horrible time you had. I'm pretty bad at this one as I tend to have a few cocktails when I'm nervous, but at least I don't have a "calming dose" before the date anymore- that always led to trouble!

That's pretty much it. Obviously, don't be a douche (that goes for everyone) and make sure you listen and don't just talk. All of these rules should guarantee a second date if it's wanted.

What rules/advice do you have??


  1. Wait. You're NOT TELLING US ABOUT THE DATE? Okay, I'm asking you out on a date to hear about the date, then.

  2. hmm well this one only really applies to me. Um don't put non-smoker on your match profile when you clearly are going to need a cig. Don't get drunk and tell them you keep a blog because they will google you and find it.. And don't go on a date when your in the middle of a family crises and you know your gonna get at one tear-inducing phone call. I learned this all this week the hard way.

  3. Carissa- I gotta agree with all of those personal rules, except the cigarette thing. For some reason, I keep going out with non-smokers even though I smoke. I think part of the reason is I've given myself a deadline to quit smoking and feel it will be easier (if they're still around) for them to not also have to quit. Oddly enough, I get very few complaints. It's weird.

    Shine- Where were you last night! I was totally ready to dish!

  4. Rule #1 of friendship. When you GO on a date, your girlfriends know all the details woman!!

    On the dating rules, I totally agree though.

  5. gofahne- ha ha! I should clear up that the date I went on went very well, he did many of these things, and we are going out again.