Thursday, April 29, 2010
This phrase has been said to me countless times and has yet to lose it's ability to make me crazy. Not only does it attack my cognitive reasoning but my ability to empathize (the last feeling I truly think I possess). It's discriminatory and insulting to the person you say it to, and makes you look smug. Worse, it is almost always wrong.
I've heard this all my life. It's usually in context to my age but has also been used in conjunction with my skin colour, educational background, religion, sexual orientation, and economic status. Interesting, all things recognized as protected classes by the government.
I was raised to think before I speak and I'll be the first to admit, I'm not very good at it. My verbal filter is eternally clogged and I say whatever comes to mind much of the time. However, I don't pretend to be the expert when I'm not and I don't give an opinion where I don't have one. When I say something, I mean it and I probably have good reason for it as well.
The worst offenders of said unfortunate phrase? Women. We believe our problems are our own and that no one has ever been in the same position as us. We believe our feelings are unique. We believe no one understands us. We are wrong.
Much has been said about being a guys girl. Chelsea Handler, at her show Saturday, said there's a reason for girls without girlfriends; they're cunts (her words, not mine. You know how I feel about the "C" word). Even as a "guys-girl", I've always tried to maintain a few female relationships. There are certain things you don't want to talk to your male friends about, and besides; they usually don't want to go find the perfect sandals or visit Sephora with you. All this being said, I have never heard the above from one of my guy friends- ever. If we get into an argument it usually resolves itself when one of us gets hungry or tired or admits defeat. It is understood that anyone can understand your position if you explain it properly. It is also understood that doing so does not mean they will agree with you.
My anger last night did not originally stem from my friend but the situation she was explaining to me. It upset me greatly and deeply (I was practically shaking). On reflection, I can see how this might have been misinterpreted. However, when the phrase "You just wouldn't understand" was mentioned... What would be the point in talking to someone who would be unable to understand? You might as well talk to a brick wall or a child.
What I regret is not walking away fully when I tried to (another thing- let people walk away. this goes for everyone. We teach our children to walk away from confrontation, yet we keep trying to pull them back in; even as adults). I regret the number of times I said "bullshit". I regret joining the conversation when it was clear it was serious and I just wanted to have a good time. I regret any discomfort caused. But, I don't regret anything I said, maybe just how I said it.
So please, for the love of Pete (whoever he may be), stop saying this phrase.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
When we finally arrived, the scene inside was no better. If you are not already a fan of Chelsea Handler or her show "Chelsea Lately", first off- What's wrong with you? Secondly, she is a big fan of drinking and vodka (especially Belvedere). So, why is there only 1 bartender per line who is making drinks and ringing people up? We stood there for a hour waiting to get beer. We missed her opener, Brad Wolack; which doesn't bum me out so much but still. How is that acceptable? We wasted some time bitching with the people around us and taking our picture next to the Cardboard Chelsea set up next to the merch table.
"Every girl has hidden a shadoobie"
Thankfully, my 1st 24oz can was there to comfort me, and the show began. I have one beef with Chelsea- Why you breaking the code, girl? Chelsea has cracked our game wide open. According to her (and confirmed by every female in the room, which was substantial), at some point you (lady) or someone you know (another lady) has hidden a shadoobie- whether you immediately left the party to go home, threw it out the window, or held it in- we don't go #2. Failing to comply with this rule can result in an unintended breakup with your boyfriend when the toilet breaks and there is no plunger in sight. The "token" guy sitting with us (my friend Lauren's boyfriend) could not stop laughing- He had no idea anything like this was going on. Of course, we all laughed and nodded knowingly to each other.
"Do you think it's okay to drink while pregnant... If you're planning to give it up for adoption?"
Much of her show recounted stories she wrote about in her latest book but in more (or better) detail. The break-up with her boyfriend, and CEO of her network, was chronicled there; though she was not as nice last night. From reading her book, I assumed he had broken up with her and all of her crazy shenanigans. Now it seems, she broke up with him because he didn't get her crazy shenanigans. Either way, she almost wet herself twice while talking about it. There is nothing better than a comedian who cracks themselves up, especially when talking about something they already wrote about and have probably mentioned at every show. Girl needs to get some Carefree.
"You can't expect to be date raped over a frappuccino"
Saturday, April 24, 2010
* Last weekend I was MIA from the blogosphere due to my internment in College Station, TX. I was visiting my delightful sister and auditing classes. Unfortunately, my twitchy eye has been replaced by a random cough. Do not listen to nurse practitioners/doctors who tell you Sudafed PE is less drowsy- it is not! I missed the second half of classes to sleep off the meds. After that, I just gave up. It's a lot better now (so glad I went to the minute clinic only to be prescribed drugs I already owned- We'll get to that next). So, she had a wonderful birthday, we ate delicious food (you can read all about it and see pictures here). Doesn't she look lovely?:
(I on the other hand am covered in beer. Damned drunken college kids!)
One of the highlights of the trip was our impromptu stop at Blockbuster. All of their stores are closing in College Station, so they set up an outlet store where all DVDs go to die. It was glorious! Everything was $.99! We could not stop laughing and running into each other while pawing through boxes and boxes of movies. I think I was very modest and controlled in my purchases:
* So, back to the drugs thing. It is imperative, I've come to realize, to write the function of your prescription drugs on the label. Otherwise, you have no idea what you're sitting on and will get another bottle of something you already own- I'm looking at you cough medicine! How annoying. Worse yet, is when you have no idea what something does so you look it up and then can't remember why you would have ever been prescribed it. Case in point: Meloxicam. I have half a bottle in my medicine basket. What the heck is it? I looked it up on wikipedia but they were uncommonly unhelpful. I finally came across another website that told me what it's prescribed for- osteoarthritis and rheumatoid arthritis. What? Why do I have this? I have neither of these conditions to the best of my knowledge. Would it help the charlie horse I developed yesterday morning, because I need something for that now? There are at least two other bottles of unknown origin and substance in there and I'll be damned if I look those up as well!
* Jennie's word of the day: Turtle
* Over heard: "I've got nuts to chew!"
* When I get an idea, or offer to do something for someone else; I usually repeat said idea/offer at least twice more. Example: I am making a couple CDs for my friend Lauren (who has graced this screen several times). It usually takes me a while to get around to this type of thing as I rarely use my own computer. You see, I don't have Internet at home so I have to pirate if off who ever lives in my building with an unsecured WiFi. About a week after I promised her two CDs, I promised another friend I'd make him a mix tape (my favorite kind). I respect his stance on pirated music much like he respects mine on pirated movies, so a mix tape was a natural compromise. Then on Thursday, I promised another two CDs to my date. Now I have to make 5 Cd's in as few days. Crap.
* This week, I have become obsessed with these sites:
Hyperbole and a Half
The Daily Wh.at
* According to Business Week, The Donner Party did not resort to cannibalism. I don't know why that bums me out, but it does. It also reminds me of a trivia night a couple weeks ago when they were the answer to a bonus question (word of the day Jennie got it right!).
* Dear makers of falafel's: I appreciate that you want to show me the beauty and greatness of your ingredients, however; some things can be too crunchy. You are supposed to be creamy and smooth in the center while crunchy on the outside, like a nutritious hush puppy. I am not interested in being able to pick out grains you may have added to yourself to feel more important. Please refrain from this in the future. Thank you.
Friday, April 23, 2010
1) Guy's usually ask girls- This is not to say the reverse (or some version thereof) isn't true, but it's the exciting exception not the rule. My father's take is that women want a strong man who can make decisions and isn't afraid of rejection. I kinda agree.
2) Dates should be made several days in advance & confirmed- If a guy does this, I'm impressed. It sounds so simple and obvious, but we (ladies) have all been asked out for the following day or worse, the day of. My date was made on Monday for Thursday. He called on Tuesday to confirm I wasn't "just being nice" (I explained that I am never nice for the niceness sake. See #4), then again Thursday afternoon to finalize. Preparation is key, so is the implied respect for your "busy" schedule.
3) Whoever asks, pays- It is important thought to always have $20 or a good credit card in case he turns into a loser or decides to go dutch. Again, be prepared.
4) Self-deprecation is a turn off for everyone- Seriously. This includes but is not limited to: "I can't believe you agreed to go out with me." "I never thought you would say yes." "I know I'm not your type..." Stay away from the Debbie Downer shit too- no one wants to hear about how your cat died, or you hate your job, or just got out of the hospital after your "little accident". Save it for later.
5) Don't drink too much/get drunk- This one didn't come from my Dad in those words, I take it from his traditional good bye of "keep your wits about you and watch your six", but I think the sentiment works perfectly here. Patti Stanger has it right with this one! Drinking too much can lead to anything from kissing someone you shouldn't (or worse!) to puking in the restaurant bathroom- Not that I've done either of those things... It can also inhibit your ability to self-edit or remember what a great or horrible time you had. I'm pretty bad at this one as I tend to have a few cocktails when I'm nervous, but at least I don't have a "calming dose" before the date anymore- that always led to trouble!
That's pretty much it. Obviously, don't be a douche (that goes for everyone) and make sure you listen and don't just talk. All of these rules should guarantee a second date if it's wanted.
What rules/advice do you have??
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Things I think are probably bad conversation starters:
- Anything having to do with my last date/boyfriend
- Why men sometimes suck
- This weird pimple I got right under my ear two days ago
- The icelandic volcano
- My filthy apartment or why I can't have nice things
- Anything baby sized
- His last girlfriend
- The film "300"- I hated it, most guys did not
- Families, past a general acknowledgement that I have one
- My natural hair colour
- My cat, and why he's trying to kill me (on 2nd thought, that might be amusing and should probably go below)
Things I think are probably Okay to talk about:
- My cat, and why he's trying to kill me
- Any movie other than the one mentioned above
Seriously, a little help?!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
So, who am I if not an amateur bandwagon jumper?
Oh, The Places You’ll Go!
Hello everyone! I’m Miranda, and I usually blog over at my new place, Imperfectly Candid. But! For today I am taking over this blog, and Graygrrrl is taking over mine, for the 20SB Blog Swap (And a huge THANK YOU to her for letting me do so!). I have only “known” Graygrrrl for a couple of days, but I can already tell I like her! I sincerely hope you all will visit my place to check out her post on what blogging means to her.
I have traveled all over the country. All over the world, even. I have traveled from my home here in Kansas to Hawaii, Iowa, Colorado, Washington, D.C., Chicago and New York. I have also surfed the waves of California, lied on the sunny beaches of Florida, danced the rain in Seattle, clubbing with a few friends in Jersey. And if you can’t find me in the U.S.? Check my passport. I might be taking photographs in Paris, shopping in London, learning to cook in Italy, eating waffles in Belgium, firing up the “Barbie” in Australia. Yes, I am a very well traveled renaissance woman of sorts. Okay, I might be misleading you all a bit. Or a lot.
But that is what blogging does—it gives you a chance to see the world.
For full disclosure, I have been to less than half of those places (Hawaii, Iowa, Colorado, D.C., Chicago, and New York), and I have never been outside of the United States. However, I have met bloggers from all of those places, and many more.
To me, one of the truly rewarding things about blogging is having the chance to meet new people from all over the world. Just as important as the story of their lives are the stories of the places in which they live. In learning about these places we learn a lot about our world, who we are, and open our minds to new ideas—all by the simple click of a URL! Who ever said blogging could not take you anywhere?
So, tell me, where are you from? And where have you been?
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
[side note: Sorry this post is so short, I'm getting ready to go out of town- yea!- and am running a mile a minute. Top it off with this amazing chest cold I've contracted and you can tell I'm having an amazing time. Tomorrow, I'm participating in 20sb 7th blog swap. So check back then to meet a new face!]
Sunday, April 11, 2010
classic "House on Sorority Row", this updated version deals with the deadly aftermath of a prank gone wrong. Rumor Willis is great as the sniveling weak link of the group and TV regular Leah Pipes is perfectly bitchy as the leader of the pack. What's not to love?!
Saturday, April 10, 2010
* Thursday, word of the day Jennie and I went to an advanced screening of "Kick Ass". I was so excited. Unfortunately, I had to work and we didn't get there in time to secure a good place in line- I hate that! We waited and waited, enjoying our Jamba Juice (not the meal replacement I was hoping for). When we finally got to the front of the line, the theatre was full. Ugh. I always try to get to screenings at least 1.5 hours in advance, especially if it's a big movie or theatre. If I can't make it, I try to send someone ahead to grab our place in line. Jen got to learn first hand why I am a crazy person when it comes to getting to the theatre early- Everyone laughs, but if I don't do it we never get in or have horrible seats. So, instead of splitting up and sitting next to possible crazy/stinky people; we went to dinner and then watched a bunch of Netflix.
* This is what sounds like a good idea when you've been out drinking with friends:
* Overheard at the bar: "I want to stick my finger in it. Nice. Ridgey" (I think she was talking about a beer bottle, but it's still hilarious!)
* Jennie's word of the day is: mushroom head (Once again, I have no idea what is going on in her mind! Urban Dictionary defines this word as: 1. Another name for the male anatomy 2. One who is addicted to the hallucinogenic property of 'shrooms 3. Anyone who works in a car park, often with a bowl cut past age 7. #3's gotta be my fave)
* I can't even think straight right now... I love you 'tussin!
* Dear Rihanna: You look like a crazy person. Please fire your stylist.
* I spent a good hour going through the posts on Tweetbaggery.com. Now there's no reason to follow pointless celebs on Twitter- you can read they lamest posts right here!
Now, the countdown to napping: T-2.5 hours
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
In the movie of her life, she would be played by Liv Tyler- she's beautiful both inside and out, and she's wicked smart. Because of, or in spit of, our being "Irish twins" we are best friends. I can talk to her about anything and vice versa. I know that she'll give it to me straight and I'm never one to sugar coat my opinions on what she might have done wrong (or right for that matter).
I've spoken about her before on these pages, but I feel further exploration is needed. As long time readers know, she is vegetarian and has been for many years. This has not always been easy in our household, but I think recent family events have helped turn our parents on to her train of thought. She is currently studying to be a veterinarian and is a leader in her class. I couldn't be more proud!
On a daily basis, she overcomes diversity. As a democrat in the land of republicans and an atheist in god's country; she is constantly trying to defend her point of view while offending as few people as possible. Her personal and political views make her easy cannon fodder for those around her, for those who call her "friend". Amidst all of this, she maintains a brave face. It is more important to her that she represents the subcultural groups she defines in a positive light than to stir the pot. Whether she thinks of it this way or not, her dream is to open the eyes of those around her to be more understanding and tolerant.
"I want for them, if they meet another vegetarian, [etc.] to say, 'I knew a vegetarian in college and she was cool, maybe this person will be cool too'".
It's hard for my city mind to understand that for many who know her, she is the first vegetarian they've ever meet, the first democrat, the first not to go to church even on a holiday basis. She puts her own feelings and discomfort on the back burner everyday in hopes of building and bridging ties within her community.
Growing up in a diverse metropolitan community and to a family of liberals, we were exposed to all sorts of things others can only imagine. We've traveled the country (heck- I know people who have never left the state), left the country to travel, been to museums and musicals, plays and operas. We've talked with people of all socio- and economic persuasions. We are renaissance ladies and proud of it!
My sister is my hero because I take all of these things for granted. I live in a city that puts republican, democrat, liberal, and green party candidates on the ballot. I can eat delicacies from Ethiopia to Italy. I can go to church, synagogue, mosque, or stay home. I am surrounded by amazing friends who may judge me or poke fun at my choices, what they see as my idiosyncrasies, yet they love and respect me just the same. To be reminded that this is not happening all over the country hurts my heart. When will the prejudices and naive hatred for those that are different from ourselves end? When will we all learn to respect those who give us respect, to think about others feelings? When will we, as a country, grow up and out of the past? Who cares if someone is vegetarian or vegan or 100% carnivore (seriously, I worry about those of you who refuse to eat any vegetable. PS- Potatoes are not a vegetable)? If someone is Catholic, or Baptist, or Jewish, or Muslim, or atheist, or if they worship at the shrine of the almighty "boob tube"? How does that effect you? How does that harm you?
In an effort to help my sister, I did some digging into her college town, trying to find vegetarian restaurants or groups she could join. There weren't any. I understand that she goes to an agricultural school, but how can there not be at least ONE vegetarian club? When I asked Urban Spoon for a recommendation, it listed one vegetarian restaurant- a sandwich place. Uh, I think we can do better. On another search, I came up with a better option, The Village Cafe/Art979, which has mostly vegetarian options and is completely local. Yea! Now if only we can get a few more cool places down there...
I also came across a blog from Fair & Feminist entitled: "Is Vegetarian a dirty word in Texas?" I would say it is. In the same spirit as yesterday's Women's Writes assignment, I further call you all to action. Be respectful of those around you. If you can't do that for a friend, who can you? Try to learn something new everyday. If you know someone with a varying point of view, ask them about it! Be respectful and listen. Try to see it from their side. Share your own feelings. Remember, and this may be most important of all, that they have feelings too. If what you want to say would hurt your feelings, why would you say it to someone else? We can never get along and end discrimination and hate until we learn to listen to one another and accept our differences.
[side note: Have you heard the story about Constance McMillan, the teenager from Mississippi who was barred from attending her high school prom with her girlfriend? It went to court and the judge ruled that the school was incorrect, but stopped short of saying they still had to throw a dance. Instead, parents and community members offered to throw one, which was then cancelled. Constance was invited to another prom that was being thrown instead. When she got there, there were only 5 other people there and some chaperone's from the school. It turns out, the original prom was not cancelled and she was sent to a "reject prom". Adding insult to injury, a Facebook page teasing and ridiculing her was created by her classmates. This sickens me. Please join me in signing The Human Rights Campaign's petition to the local school board stating our outrage that this was allowed to go on and seemingly sanctioned by them. You can read more about what happened by visiting The Bloggess' website (where I learned of this latest development) here. Thanks in advance!]
Monday, April 5, 2010
A car raced up the street towards us, slowing down just long enough for one of its passengers to throw a Slurpee out the window, hitting both of us. While they laughed and attempted a U-turn to get away, one of the men yelled out the car window:
We stood there in stunned silence watching the cold drink drip off our hair and hit the pavement, listening to children playing and laughing nearby. I looked at my friend and saw something I had never seen before in her eyes: apathy.
The two men turned the boulevard and ran their car into a fire hydrant on the corner. We just stood there. That was her street, we were on our way to her house to digest and play video games (remember the Sony channel?). I grabbed her arm and said, "Let's go". We walked the two blocks to my house and as I opened the front door, my father came out from the kitchen eager to hear about my day. Instead, what he saw were two sad, wet, children. I think I was crying when he grabbed a beach towel to dry me off and I told him what had happened. As soon as we were not sticky anymore, he loaded us into the car and drove to the scene of the incident.
The car was still there crashed into the hydrant except now it was joined by a police cruiser and several on-lookers. We pulled past the accident and parked, my father getting out of the car and telling us to "stay put". I watched him walk back towards the police officer. To this day, I have no idea what he said or what the outcome was. When he got back into the car, he said nothing; he just drove us two houses down to my friend's house.
I was old enough to understand what had happened that day, but young and naïve enough to be shocked by it. Sure, this is the south, but I live in a major metropolitan city! This doesn't happen here. My father said something that will haunt me forever. That no matter where I go or what I do, I will be seen a certain way- white, privileged, smart, attractive. My friend however, will struggle her whole life because she is black. It won't matter how smart she is, how pretty, how much money she makes; in some circles she will never be those things and there is nothing she can do about it. She will fight this fight all her life.
I was so angry when he told me this. He's a fool! The world is different! But, the truth is he was right and it made me angry.
My Utopia, my "1984", my "Brave New World", is a world without "-ism's": where little girls can walk down the street without being assaulted; where someone hates you not for the color of your skin, or gender, or sexual orientation; but because they don't like your personality. I've worked my whole life to break down stereotypes. I don't allow that kind of talk from friends nor do I condone the racist jokes I've heard. Around me, that is unacceptable behavior- Make it a habit and you're out.
The purpose of Women Write's was to talk about something that affects women and while I'm sure I've lived up to the spirit of the assignment, I may have taken some pretty big liberties. While speaking with shine yesterday this story is what kept popping into my mind. The end of "-ism's" means an end to all of them- from racism to feminism to capitalism to communism. It means an end to hate, an end to separatism (there's another –ism!). It means equality. Whether you are a woman, man, child, cow, monkey, whatever; you can benefit from the notions of equality. Perhaps you already feel and act that way, perhaps it's something you struggle with everyday, perhaps you have no idea what I'm saying. But, I hope now you will stop to think next time you make a joke, or put someone down, or judge a book by its cover and stop- how would I like it?
Saturday, April 3, 2010
They totally freak me out! I couldn't even wear flip flops until I was 18 because of an odd phobia about things between my toes, and now this! How can that be comfortable or good for you? These shoes claim to exercise your whole foot and lower leg just by walking. They also claim that regular shoes weaken your leg muscles and cause injury (according to scientists not labeled in the claim). The guy said they were super comfortable after the first few days getting used to them and runs up to 5 miles in them.
* As you have become aware, I am super excited about food right now. So, I created a new blog devoted to food- recipes, product recommendations, thoughts, etc. You can follow me (and you know you want to ) at Veggie Sometimes.