Wednesday, August 12, 2009

How to Fail at Life without Really Trying...

I spent the last few days sitting on my ass watching recorded Food Network shows (how am I just noticing how large Giada’s head is?). There is nothing more depressing than having two days to kill and no money to hire the assassin. I have $3 ‘til Friday and I’m going to run out of smokes and probably gas before then. In the small favors department, at least I don’t live too far from work and the weather has only been in the upper 90’s so I guess it wouldn’t be so bad to walk (I would stab myself now but I’m pretty sure they clock you out of work to take you to emergency).

Here are a couple things that occurred to me over my days off:

*Why can’t you sell plasma anymore? Don’t they know there are junkies and horrible checkbook balancers out there that need cash? How much can I get for an in demand hardcover book at Half Price? Enough for smokes? I hope so; ‘cuz if not I just wasted what gas I have left.

*Driving through Murderville on my way home I saw a woman playing with her kid on the side of the road. This would not be disturbing except it was 1130 at night and she was literally playing with him on the side of the road, the curb to be exact. Hey lady! Rolling your kid on the curb in the middle of the night in the ghetto is not smart! (Or very smart depending on how you feel about kids and/or natural selection).

Finally, my ode to box wine:

Yes, you heard me right. Box Wine.

In my day, box wine meant Franzia, which meant disgusting. I remember the laughs when my aunt served it at her wedding (actually not surprising). It was the kind of thing people bought to make punch or supplement dinner parties. Not something you would actually want or admit to drinking. I’m not sure when it happened (perhaps the success of Kathy Griffin’s “My Life on the D List” and her mother’s insatiable thirst for all things served in a box), but box wine has made a resurgence; gone through a renaissance if you will. They could not be any more different than the big white box.

At my grocery store, the Franzia is kept on the opposite side of the aisle from the new box wines, the couture boxes if you will. In a fit of boredom and lack of funds, I recently purchased a box of “Boti Box Wine”. What drew me to this particular brand (for I stood in that aisle looking at all the pretty boxes for at least 7 minutes) was that it was green. A “green” box of wine (aren’t all cardboard boxes of wine recyclable? Is this just marketing?). The box was made of recycled paper, the inside pouch was recyclable, I think even the wine was organic. Anyway, at $17.99 for the equivalent of 3 bottles I was sold. To my delight, it wasn’t so bad. I’m not going to blow smoke at you and say it was one of the best wines I’ve had, it wasn’t. What it was, was the right price and not disgusting. The quality speaks to other econo-lines like Little Penguin, Alice White, whatever’s $5 at Whole Foods, slightly better than 3-buck chuck. At about $4 a bottle, it was the cheapest as well. I bought the Shiraz twice!

I’ve tried a couple other brands, Fish Eye (not so much and I’m pretty sure they cheat you out of some wine and the spout sucks), and Black Box (also nice but the much smaller size of the box makes me nervous).

I feel ashamed and partially disgusted in myself but I’m not sure I can stop. It just fits so well into my nightly ritual of bad TV/movies and a glass of wine. Now it won’t go bad and ruin my good time! I’m not done with bottles though. Sometimes the night calls for something better (although still well under $10); but, for the nights that call for okay (and in the privacy of your home), you could do worse than a box o’wine.

1 comment:

  1. My parents used to be Franzia people. I remember being little and thinking that something really classy must be happening because the big white box was in the fridge. But now that there is actually a tasty alternative, who can argue with economical pricing and superior post-opening shelf life?