Thursday, September 10, 2009

Here's what happens when I'm bored and uncreative:

I couldn't think of anything to write today, but felt I really needed to post something after my hiatus. I really need to get reliable internet service at home. Then, I need to remember that I have it and use it. So, in a fit of laziness, I have decided to re-print some of the funniest things I've over heard. As those who know me can attest, I carry several notepads around with me and am constantly saying, "I gotta write that down"! You may have wondered what I was going to do with that information once I had written it down. Truth is, I wasn't so sure myself. Now I know I saved it just for this occasion. Enjoy!
(Be warned, some of this is inappropriate and offensive)

"You've got a lot of class... Too bad it's all third"

"Why join the Army when you've got artillery like these?"

On my love and desire for SPF Body Wash:
"What are you gonna do? You know that won't last three days?"
[side note: It's disturbing that my friends know how often I like to bathe. I'm not dirty mind you, just a bit lazy. No one has ever accused me of smelling, quite the opposite!]

"I've got a cold sore on my ass"
"That's not a cold sore, that's hepatitis"

A text message I once received:
"Rigor mortis is really off the wall. So, how's your day?"

In response to a fart (or frogs as we call them)
"Did you eat a rotten baby?"

"There's nothing worse then getting run over by a Ford"
[side note: in junior high, my friend's and I thought it would be cool to get hit by the Oscar Meyer wienie mobile. I mean, if you've got to go, at least make the news!]

"Why don't you and me go behind a rock and get a little bolder?"

"Let's not turn this rape into a murder"

"I'd rather have a butt wash then no wash at all"

"She's unvaccinated and she bites"

Oh, just the tip of the iceberg my friends! Can't waste them all today. What would I do the next time I have writers block? What are some of the most outrageous things you've overheard? I believe this post should end with a comic:
Hats off to you Red Meat


  1. I'm so proud of myself for not having said any of these this time!

  2. Shine told me you were a biter, but I had no idea you don't have your papers.