(Be warned, some of this is inappropriate and offensive)
"You've got a lot of class... Too bad it's all third"
"Why join the Army when you've got artillery like these?"
On my love and desire for SPF Body Wash:
"What are you gonna do? You know that won't last three days?"
[side note: It's disturbing that my friends know how often I like to bathe. I'm not dirty mind you, just a bit lazy. No one has ever accused me of smelling, quite the opposite!]
"I've got a cold sore on my ass"
"That's not a cold sore, that's hepatitis"
A text message I once received:
"Rigor mortis is really off the wall. So, how's your day?"
In response to a fart (or frogs as we call them)
"Did you eat a rotten baby?"
"There's nothing worse then getting run over by a Ford"
[side note: in junior high, my friend's and I thought it would be cool to get hit by the Oscar Meyer wienie mobile. I mean, if you've got to go, at least make the news!]
"Why don't you and me go behind a rock and get a little bolder?"
"Let's not turn this rape into a murder"
"I'd rather have a butt wash then no wash at all"
"She's unvaccinated and she bites"
Oh, just the tip of the iceberg my friends! Can't waste them all today. What would I do the next time I have writers block? What are some of the most outrageous things you've overheard? I believe this post should end with a comic:Hats off to you Red Meat